Today was the first day of school for my grandsons.  With that comes the promise of new learning, new friends, new experiences, and new opportunities to grow physically, academically, emotionally, and socially.  As usual, the summer flies by too quickly.  Time is fleeting as we relish the moments we have, always wishing for more.  My husband and I were blessed to take them to the mountains for a trip earlier in the summer.  In the last week or so, I’ve had the pleasure to take them for some grandma field trips that included a stop or two at various playgrounds.  Each time they chose to spend most of the time on the swings.  “Will you push me grandma?” says the youngest.  “Push me higher, grandma!” says the oldest, echoed by the youngest too.
 
           Yes boys, in all ways that matter, I will push you higher.
 
I will push you to show respect to all people, living creatures, and things so that you can appreciate their value, and in turn have respect shown to you.
I will push you to be kind and compassionate, for the power of this simple act leads to greater virtues.
I will push you to make a difference so that you might lift others up and in return feel the satisfaction of knowing your words or deeds benefited another.
I will push you to say something when you see injustice or mistreatment toward others for it is when we take that first step, we can right a wrong; change the culture, and eventually the world.
I will push you to follow your faith, believing in a God that offers acceptance, grace, and forgiveness to all who seek Him.
I will push you to have courage to stand up for your convictions and do what is right when it might not be the most popular thing to do because it is then that your character is revealed.
 
I will push you to do the right thing, to make choices that are responsible, productive, and advance you toward your goals.
I will push you to be curious and continue to learn long after leaving the classroom for learning keeps us relevant and viable in an ever-changing society.
I will push you to try harder, especially when it’s difficult and you feel like giving up, for the satisfaction of completing challenging work is worth the effort.
I will push you to do your very best work every time because “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” (Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield)
 
I will push and encourage you to find your passion and fulfill your dreams.
I will push you to take calculated risks and think outside the box so that you may grow and live life to its fullest.  But I will not push you into harm’s way because your safety and well-being are my top priority.
I will push you to have fun, finding pleasure in recreational and social activities that allow you to relax, recharge, and enjoy life.
I will push you to live a healthy lifestyle so that your life may be more enjoyable and productive.
I will push you to surround yourself with people who share and support your values, your goals, and your interests, but to also embrace those who differ from you so you may expand your knowledge and appreciation of other ideas, cultures, and ways of doing things.
I will push you to travel so that you may appreciate the wonderful world in which we live, and to learn about history and culture so that you may better understand your own legacy.
I will push you to find common ground with others so that you may work together and have amicable relationships personally, within your community, and in your chosen field.
 
Yes boys, I will push you higher… in the swing so we can laugh and enjoy our time together, and in life so you can reach your full potential and become a productive and caring adult.  I will push you to fly and soar like eagles, achieving greatness, but reminding you to return home to the ones you love and who love you.  I will push you as long as I am able, but I will always have your back until I take my last breath.
 
“                     Push me higher, Grandma”…. You bet I will.

​Since we last “talked” in March, baseball season for the kids in my small town kicked into high gear.  My grandsons both played baseball on different teams, so it seemed like we packed the lawn chairs to the fields quite often to watch them play.  Sometimes we even packed great grandma and grandpa!   We watched a lot of baseball and softball when our own kids were growing up, but it’s a lot more relaxed when it’s your grandkids playing ball.  For me it was a nice way to enjoy an evening, watch the kids, and be able to go home when I wanted to, not when I had to.  And an even nicer thing was I didn’t have to go home and wash those filthy uniforms rife with dirt ground in from both the necessary and unnecessary sliding into bases.
 
My oldest grandson’s team was coached by my son-in-law.  His assistant coach was my ex-son-in-law.  At first I was very surprised by this seemingly odd-couple arrangement, but because they get along just fine and both dads were there to support my grandson, he was the real winner in all of this.  Then again, maybe all of us were.
 
Now my son-in-law is a competitive guy.  He loves sports and is an involved fan.  With his team of 9 to 11 year old boys, he did what all coaches do: he taught them baseball skills.  But mostly, and more importantly, he taught them to have fun and enjoy the game.  At a time when there are too many fans or “bleacher coaches” criticizing or offering conflicting advice that tends to confuse kids or make them lose confidence, he was their cheerleader.  He could often be heard telling them to “just have fun” to start the game, in between innings, and after a particularly frustrating at bat or a bad throw.  But he also expected that they pay attention, challenge the other team by being aggressive on the bases, have a solid at-bat, and take care of the ball.  When I noticed other coaches yelling, he was encouraging. 
 
His team was not comprised of gifted athletes - in fact many were far from it – but together they could turn a bloop hit and an error into run after run.  And they won.  A lot.  Of course there were a couple of games that they were just flat and didn’t play well or respond to my son-in-law’s encouragement or prodding, or pleading.  They were kids after all… too much pool time, vacations, or forgetting to eat before the games.  Who knows what was distracting them.  But in both instances, they bounced back in the 2nd game (they played doubleheaders each night) to win, ending the night on a high note.   Between games he would be frank with them about the kind of play that led to the defeat, at the same time showing them that a window of opportunity existed for them to rectify the loss by winning game 2.   He talked with them, not at them.  And he sat a few of them down when they didn’t respond with the right attitude.  Did he get upset at times?  Of course, he’s human just like everyone else, but he found other ways to vent or redirect and get back to being that coach who didn’t take it out on or blame the kids.  He picked them up when they were down and puffed with pride when they did well, making them feel like stars.  And as I watched this season unfold over the course of the last couple of months, I saw kids grow up, get better, find ways to succeed, and just have fun.  I saw that in their coach too.
 
I think about the parallels of my grandson’s team to the Kansas City Royals success in recent years, and the dismal start they had in the first 2 months of this season.  When they went to the World Series in 2014, they had so much fun coming from behind to win in so many games.  No one believed it would finally happen when they broke a 30 year play-off drought.  They had fun together and they didn’t let the losses get them down.  Then in 2015, they won it all.  Everyone was having fun.  The voices of critics faded behind the roar of the fans and the Salvy splashes that greeted every hero at home game wins.  Last season was marred by injuries, but we were still competitive.  But what happened to the Royals to begin this season?   Tragedy struck the team with the death of a beloved player in the off season.  The rumor mill was flying because some players, whose contracts will expire at season’s end, were thought to be at the end of their playing time with the Royals.  Adult issues, but distractions nonetheless. There was no joy in the clubhouse, in the stands, or in the Royals kingdom.  They had forgotten how to have fun and enjoy the game.   And then came June.  A bloop hit, stolen base or two…and more home runs than usual, fueled some wins.  The joy was back.  The boys in blue and their fans were having fun again, enjoying the game, less concerned with personal statistics, and more concerned with doing what they needed to do to win.  And guess what?  They are winning.  A lot.  And these men who play a boys’ game are now just going out every day to just have fun.
 
I take two valuable lessons from these baseball stories.  The first is the power of joy… enjoyment, having fun, and focusing on the possibilities rather than the problems.  Those silver linings give us hope.  Without hope, we have no future.  Hope allows us to have forward thinking and to make plans and goals.  As the saying goes, “The joy is in the journey.”  Passion goes along with joy.  Finding our passion for work or play makes it more meaningful and enjoyable.  (This topic must really be resonating in my mind, as my last blog was about finding my joy in all the busy things I do!)  Another quotable reminder is from Mark Twain to “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”  It’s easy to find fault and to focus on what is wrong.  Shortcomings and errors are easily spotted and hard to “unsee.”   But if we focus on the good and what is going well and find our joy, then we can fix those “wrongs” and make them right.
 
The second lesson is one of relationships.  As a lifelong educator, we often remind ourselves that students “don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”  By intentionally reaching out to others, and connecting with them in meaningful ways, we become part of their emotional and social network.  Then the encouragement or feedback we offer becomes important and something they can hear and take in.  My son-in-law did that with his team at practice and at games; telling them stories and a few jokes, making them laugh and feel comfortable, encouraging them when they made mistakes and cheering their successes.  After that the skills he was teaching them became more meaningful.  Funny how that works….when you help someone find their joy.
 
With the holiday weekend upon us, we will all be seeking to have fun with food, fireworks, family and friends.  These are the good times when finding joy and just having fun is pretty easy to do.  So as we go back to work after the 4th of July holiday, my son-in-law’s team will be headed to their season ending tournament, hopefully continuing the attitude of just having fun as they do their best work to accumulate those wins. He’s having a blast helping those boys be successful on the field and in life too.   In the coming weeks, I hope you will find your joy and help someone else find theirs. What we do for others often enriches us more than it does the other person.  So just have fun and find ways to enjoy this game of life!
 
 
PS – Happy Birthday to my son-in-law too!   Thanks for reminding me that writing is one way that I can “just have fun.” 
 

After nearly 5 years, I think I'm finally starting to retire.  Well maybe slow down.  OK, maybe not really slow down, but pare down. Here's what I mean. I've come to the realization, if it doesn't get me excited then I'm more inclined to say "no" and throw myself into things that I do look forward to.  They say, find your passion then it won't feel like work.  Find meaning.  Maybe another way to say it is to find your joy.  To me, all of these things lead to quality of life whether it's full time work or retirement!

I do believe that your attitude determines how productive you can be at times and definitely how much you engage and enjoy what you are doing.  But I also know not everything is fun or inspirational so we must find meaning in order to motivate ourselves into action.   There are plenty of things in life that must be done that definitely don't ignite any excitement or passion, but the alternative is not what I want either.  So yes, I still clean my house, do laundry, mow the lawn, go to the doctor for check ups, and help others even when it's not convenient for me.  But if I manage my schedule effectively, those "have to's" don't take up all of my time either, so there is still plenty of time for the "want to's."  

I find that my age must be showing, because there's one thing I see missing in many people today.  If it's not fun or will be difficult or inconvenient, many don't see the point.  On one level I appreciate that and want learning or tasks to be meaningful and engaging.  But sometimes there are things that require us to buck up and get 'er done that will never be fun and may even be disgusting!  I think of nurses that clean up after ill, incontinent, or injured patients; or mom's that clean up the messes the family makes no matter what they are; or dads who carry out the dead mouse from the trap.  I wish I could run my life that way sometimes, just doing what's fun and enjoyable.  But on another level, I wonder if we've missed teaching our children and grandchildren the intrinsic value of work or service in terms of helping others, productivity, or how it makes us feel when a job is completed and well done.  Really it boils down to helping them see and experience meaning or relevance.  I clean because I don't like it if my house is dirty, so for me that is value and a motivating factor.  I help others because it not only makes them happy, their happiness or relief makes me happy.  

I saw this in my grandkids last weekend when a group of us from our church went to help out an area group home for students in the foster system.  They didn't know what to expect, but went along because I did my best to paint a positive picture even though I'd never been there before either, but mostly they went because "grandma asked me to" (glad I still have some influence).   If I can just get them started, they usually see the value and enjoy the experience.  When we arrived, no one had much of an idea of what to do or how to start, but once we took the first step, everyone regardless of age or ability, found something purposeful to do.  The children who lived there pitched in with those who came from other towns.  You couldn't tell who was new or who was a veteran.  My grandsons worked hard but had fun and they never complained.  When it was over, the donated food and supplies were assembled in this wonderful fort... a fun way to deliver the most basic of needs.  The people were grateful for our help and donations.  When we got in the car, my oldest grandson said, "Wow, that was fun."  I was so excited.  Then my youngest grandson piped up and said, "That was a lot of work and all that food made me hungry!"  We laughed and again, I was pleased.  They couldn't believe how fast the time flew by and were glad they came.  Helping others helps you too.  When you find your passion it doesn't feel like work at all.

My schedule is plenty full most weeks.  I print my calendar at the beginning of each month for my parents so they know where I am because they depend on me.  It saves them and me a lot of questions.  But just like the latest technology, as soon as it's made available to the public, there is an update or new version soon to follow.  My calendar is continually in a state of flux.  Retirement allows me that flexibility, but my OCD tendencies are a lot more comfortable with knowing what's next.  Ultimately, I've decided that I want my calendar to be filled with "want to's" instead of "have to's" - but I know that even the "have to's" will be something I choose to do because I choose to find meaning.  I want the time to fly by.  I want to look forward to tasks that benefit others as well as myself.  I want to have lunches with my friends, laugh at silly things, and take lots of pictures of sunsets and flowers.  To get all that done, I have to pare down a few things that no longer give me the inspiration that they once did.  Seeking new challenges, seeing new sights, and sprinkling in new things with familiar pastimes, are all on my bucket list of doing the things I love.  

I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this retirement thing.  I don't punch a clock, but I work at things I want to do and enjoy finding ways to stay relevant and be of service to others.  Sure I still feel the pressure of some "have to's" but I know that stepping up is important too.  We never want to retire from feeling needed or valued.  Those are the reasons all of us get up each day. My goal is to be sufficiently challenged, find things to do that ignite my passion, and look for the silver lining every day... so maybe I'm not slowing down at all... just focusing on what matters.  In reality, there is so much to do...and so little time!   What will you focus on?  Join me on this journey as I continue to seek meaning that leads to  finding my joy!

I read the above quote this morning and suddenly the writer's block that has been dogging me for the past several months, went from fog to peaks of sunshine.  A breath of fresh air came my way and I could think about writing again.  And just like that, the past was no longer holding me back.

I'll be honest with you.  2016 has been a year of ups and downs that have both inspired me and challenged all that I believe to be true.  I am dismayed by the way public education and educators are viewed by politicians and wealthy business people, but heartened at the state election results that give us hope again in Kansas.  I won't even talk about national and world events and politics which leave me bewildered and shaking my head about the way we talk to and treat each other.  It would be easy to keep bringing up the past and dwelling on what might have been or the way it used to be, but there are things we can't change unless we look forward and change our own way of thinking and behaving.  I used to remind my players that we can only control what we can control... and that starts with my own beliefs and actions, one day at a time.

I was thrilled with the successes our professional learning organization in Kansas (LFKS) has experienced this year, and that I have been an active part of these giant steps forward. We spent a lot of time wringing our hands and wondering what had happened to our organization before we made some tough decisions, and started down the road with some new ideas and practices.  And with hard work, they are beginning to pay off.  Leadership Freak blogger Dan Rockwell points out that "hanging onto the past produces doubt and fear" and keeps us from moving forward, changing for the better, and/or forgiving ourselves for past transgressions.  The past has it's place in our lives as well as our future. It provides us with experience, lessons of what to do and what not to do, knowledge and skills.  But it is not to be lived in, nor used as an excuse for present behavior or situations.  We do have to reconcile our past - honoring the valuable, and putting to rest the pain of mistakes and lost opportunities.  But the past is in the rear view mirror for a reason.  It is from whence we came; a place to visit not to dwell.  

While Rockwell's blog is focusing on leadership and team building, one of the questons for consideration that he makes is:  "How does the way you are thinking about yourself and others reflect the future you aspire to build?"  Our thinking matters.... about our own strengths and limitations, as well as those who we work with and spend our time with each day.  Surrounding oneself with people who support us, believe in us, provide meaningful feedback, as well as make us laugh and enjoy life, will improve our outlook and make the future more appealing than the past.  As Hans F. Hansen notes, "People inspire you or they drain you."  That statement leads to one resolution to make and keep every year - put as much distance as you can between those who hold you back or tear you down, and surround yourself with those who challenge and inspire you.

In my work with educators and even within our church, I often emphasize that there's a big difference between knowing and doing.  We often know better.  We just often don't DO better.  I taught PE for many years, and yet have failed miserably this fall in staying with my exercise plan.  You realize that when you're excited that the "active minutes" your Fitbit recorded while shopping at Walmart was the best you've done all week.  Along with that lack of self-discipline, I found myself doing more mindless activities that are fun but a waste of time, which led me to complain that I was behind, and wishing I had more time to get things done.  My calendar is definitely full with responsibilities to both my family and the organizations with whom I am involved, but is there no time to take care of my health and physical well being?  I'm pretty sure the games I play on my phone won't suffer if I take 30 minutes from that activity and get back on the treadmill. So what actions will I take that will inspire me to move forward? I can think of a big one for me:  Accountability.  I don't necessarily like to be coached, but I do like looking at data.  If I schedule it, and then record it, I will have lots of internal motivation to not let those data points go unfilled.  And voila!  I will see progress.   I see lots of people trying new programs, supplements, and other things to improve their lives, or some, like me, just wanting to walk everyday - so I say: Go For It!  Pick what works for you and stick to it.  It's the lifestyle change that makes the biggest difference, not the shakes or pills that you take.  It's a mindset where you choose to take action and think positively, whether prompted by a program you believe in, or the way you look at yourself.  The biggest detractor from action is how much we talk about action.  So my advice to myself is to stop talking (or writing at this moment) and start DOING!

Again, in my work with educators and within our church, I also facilitate how to effectively create and mangage change so that the goals are successfully implemented.  I can definitely say that practicing what I'm preaching would be a great step forward for me at this time.  I borrow Simon Sinek's work around beginning with the "WHY" before any change is implemented.  Why is it important?  Why would I want to do this?  Then moving to What will I accomplish if I implement this change? What benefit will occur with this change?  And finally, How will I turn these goals into actions?  When I find my why, I find my passion, and the transition from knowing to doing becomes more urgent and fulfilling.  

This is not a blog about New Year's resolutions, but about getting focused on what matters while letting go of past bad habits and moving from knowing to doing.  Don't you worry, I'll take plenty of time to enjoy my free time, write more often, and read those books that were on my list to Santa.  But I'm doing one more thing for me.   While I'm still taking care of and being there for others, I'm going to take care of myself too.  And that tug of war with past bad habits and the things I'd like to achieve will go down as a win for me if I stop talking and start doing.  So I'm off to the treadmill to take the road less traveled.  You gotta start somewhere! 

​

​Wow. Just Wow. That was my reaction when I took my daughter's advice and went out to look at the sunset. We have some beautiful sunsets here in Kansas, a few that I have been lucky enough to capture, but this one seemed to outdo itself.  I just couldn't stop taking pictures and looking at this beautiful site from many angles in our yard.  It was one of those moments that almost took my breath away.  I was thankful I made the effort to emerge from my comfy recliner to check out the view. It was a reward for my efforts but provided some lessons too. 

The old saying "get out of your box" is merely a metaphor for encouraging you to step away from what is always comfortable and familiar.  My recliner is one of those places for me. I sit in my chair to drink coffee, watch TV, read, play or talk on my phone, and take an occasional nap. It is "my" chair and everyone who knows me knows that. It is my "go-to" place - a place of comfort and rest, but also a place that unfortunately encourages me to be sedentary, stuck inside, and less productive.  Had it not been for the suggestion that nudged me to move - my view that evening would have been less than memorable and I would have missed witnessing God's masterpiece.  Despite the pleasure we get from comfort and security, those feelings can also hold us back.

Timing is everything.  After my daughter suggested I check out the sunset, I kind of rushed her off the phone because I truly wanted to see what she was talking about.  If we would have kept talking (something we normally would do plenty of!), I would not have seen the peak of this gorgeous sunset.  I think about the times I've said to my kids, or even my grandkids, "Just a minute."  It makes me wonder how many perfect moments I've missed because I made them wait?   

The sunset I witnessed occurred because of the lingering clouds that had produced rain and wind hours earlier. That brief storm gave us downed tree limbs and flipped flower pots that will require some unplanned clean up. But once again I was reminded that we can emerge from any storm with grace and beauty. Persevering through challenges has its rewards, including the new perspectives we gain as we reflect on our journey.  Appreciating the beauty of the sunset allows us to examine how it came to be and understand that without the previously challenging or unpleasant experience, we wouldn't have been able to enjoy this breathtaking view. 

It is my pleasure, and often my quest, to enjoy the beauty of this world we live in. Some of the best mountain views I have witnessed and captured required me to get off the road, out of the car, and usually down a winding and often rocky path. If we try to cruise through life on the interstates and major highways - always in the comfort of our cars and near food, fuel, and rest stops, or our favorite chairs, we are missing out on the best views and experiences. Cruise liners don't just sail around the ocean for days on end pointing out places of interest on the horizon. They stop at ports along the way, requiring passengers to disembark and get a closer look. 

My husband and I are getting ready to travel again. We are planning to go to some popular sites along a well-traveled route, but we are also looking for those antique shops and lesser known places to discover. We learned a long time ago we have to get off the highway sometimes to discover the treasures. 

While the rainbow is the promise of hope, the sunset is a beautiful reminder of our journey.  We can and should appreciate each one.  Every sunset is an opportunity to reflect on the experiences of our day in preparation for the next leg of our journey. It is our challenge to get off the couch (or out of my comfy chair) and experience the richness that life has to offer. Help others. Make a difference. Work hard. Learn something new.

This is your invitation and reminder that there is a world out there waiting for you to see and actively participate. Your view may not be this spectacular everyday but your perspective might be. What will you DO today that makes the world a better place? Whatever it is, my wish for you is that you have many moments of "Wow. Just Wow." 

​It’s Monday morning and as I open my news feed today, I won’t see the good morning greetings, pictures of beautiful flowers, birds, or the Amish countryside of Ohio that always made me smile.  I will have to find another place for the latest scanner report or local news.  No longer will I get emails telling me of current events, links to articles or obituaries, or funny stories of days gone by. This weekend, one of my favorite Facebook friends got her wings. 
 
A tear slid quietly down my cheek as I stifled a gasp of “oh no!” when I read that news Sunday morning.  Gone is someone who never failed to brighten my day, like my posts, or comment on my blogs.  But while her family and many in our community will mourn and miss her, I can’t help but be happy too.  Gone is her pain as she breathes freely again.  Gone is her loneliness since she has now been reunited with children and others who passed before her that she has sorely missed.  She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten.
 
Margie was someone that I knew from our local Threshing Bee years ago when my dad used to announce the parade.  They were friends and she called him “Herbie,” when no else dared to do that.  She was part of my mom’s “club” that shared meals and laughs and an occasional field trip each month.  She was on my husband’s mail route, consequently they knew each other too.  So for most of my adult life, I knew of her, but I didn’t really know her until we became friends on Facebook several years ago.  And while I’m sure I don’t know her as well as others do, I have so appreciated her ever since. 
 
Some people talk about making a difference and some people just do it.  You could count on Margie to share beautiful pictures, make comments on your posts, or ask questions so she got the straight scoop.  She made you feel like you mattered, even on social media.  You don’t have to make a big splash to make a difference.  It’s the little things that warm another’s heart or puts a smile on their face.  To that end, we all have been blessed by the difference Margie made in our lives.
 
When she was required to take oxygen 24/7 several months ago, it would curtail how often and where she would be able to get out, which was frustrating to her and her previously active lifestyle.  She wondered aloud on Facebook what she would do “trapped” at home.  So many of us encouraged her to use her computer to stay in touch with the world and keep sharing those things upon which we all had come to depend.  And she did… right up until the last day.
 
I have used The Dash, a poem by Linda Ellis, in previous blogs, and in lessons and devotionals at church.  What will you do with that “dash” between the day of your birth and the day of your death?  As we look back, we come to realize that it’s the days and years in between that truly define us as Ellis notes, 
          “For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth
        and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.
         For it matters not how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash…
          What matters is how we live and love… and how we spend our dash.”
 
To paraphrase Joseph Epstein, “We do not choose to be born….  We (most of us) do not choose to die; nor the time or condition of our death…But…we do choose how we live.”  
 
There is no better way to honor Margie’s life and her profound effect on so many than to choose to make a difference for others every day just as she did.  In a world continually filled with sound bites and pictures of hate, violence, and negativity, we can choose to be the messenger of hope; the light at the end of the tunnel; the rainbow in someone’s clouds.
 
RIP Margie.  The world was a better place because you lived here.  We look to the heavens as you soar with angel’s wings and hope that you will continue to smile down, encourage, and inspire those you left behind.  Today you have inspired me to write again, a blog you will not "like" or comment on, but one I had to write.  So in your honor, I renew my quest to make a difference as I live out the rest of my dash.

The doorbell rang unexpectedly early this morning.  Was it really the doorbell?  Maybe it was my alarm.  No wait, I had not set my alarm since I didn’t think I had any place to go.  I was groggy, dreaming of the writing I needed and wanted to do!  I also thought that my husband was getting ready for work so I probably wouldn’t have to answer the door.  Or did I?  Maybe he was already gone or had a problem as he went to his Jeep as he got ready to leave.  I remember ringing the doorbell once when I fell on the deck as I left the house….  Jump up!  Race to the door (after grabbing my robe)!  Everything was fine.  No one was at the door.  Turns out it he inadvertently bumped the bell while he was taking out the trash.  But once I became fully conscious, I responded as if the house were on fire!   So now that I was wide awake, it was time to make some coffee…and write.  Then an hour later the phone rang and I was quickly reminded that I had forgotten to go to help serve at the student assessment breakfast our church was providing for the Middle School Students today.  It’s amazing how quickly I can get dressed and leave the house in these situations.  That is a far cry from the 60 minutes I normally require.  So many situations already this morning….and so many different responses….
 
It is often implied or stated directly in a variety of quotes and examples, that it isn’t the circumstances of our life that have the most effect on us, but our response to those circumstances.  Along these lines, author Steven Covey has been quoted as saying, “I am not a product of my circumstances, but of my decisions.”  A response is definitely a decision to take action or not.
 
People respond to both good and bad things that happen to them in a range of ways.  We can laugh at our own mistakes, correct them, compensate for them, or on the flip side, deal with them emotionally, angrily, or dejectedly.  This morning, my apologies were not enough for being late.  I called on my way to the church to ask if I could pick up anything.  They gave me the task of getting the pizza and donuts…. Something the kids would really be looking forward to and a job that made me feel useful, not late!  So when I finally arrived at the church I had food in hand, and my tardiness was less conspicuous and in some part rectified.  I don’t think I’ve worked harder at one of these breakfasts than this morning.  I’m sure my own guilt was playing into that (because I pride myself on being dependable), but it also gave me an opportunity to share with the students that sometimes we have “oops” moments or obstacles that we must overcome whether it’s during their assessments or in other parts of our lives.  Our response makes all the difference.  In the end, learning from those mistakes and putting forth our best effort is what matters and will define us rather than the mistake we made or obstacle we faced.
 
There are countless stories of people who have lived through troubled childhoods, tragedy, or suffered from illness or injury to overcome these challenges and lead productive lives; while others use these circumstances as a crutch for their current state.  There are those who seem to have it all, and yet find themselves unhappy or unsuccessful.  We each have scenarios that play out in ways that move us forward or potentially can hold us back.  Our circumstances are sometimes out of our control, but how we respond to the things that we experience are very much in our control.  We can take the talents we have or the successes we experience and use them for the greater good.  We can choose to look on the bright side of things, finding ways to turn lemons into lemonade, or not.  We can choose to use the challenges we face to give us additional resolve that not only lift us from these trials, but inspire others as well.  We can even make meaning out of the senseless and leave a legacy of hope and change.
 
In my years of teaching Psychology, we often talked about the “fight or flight” response.  Do we hang in there and find ways to resolve the issues at hand or do we choose to run away?  Fight is about perseverance and the willingness to do the work that needs to be done to rectify the situation, but does not usually actually involve punching someone.  Flight may not literally be fleeing the situation, but may include avoidance behaviors that keep us from dealing with the situation at hand or moving forward.  Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl notes, “Between the stimulus and the response is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  When we choose not to decide or act, we have indeed made a decision.  Fear or dread may keep us from acting.  Withdrawal may seem less risky at the time, but probably puts us more at risk for future problems we might not be anticipating. 
 
Our response need not be immediate to be effective.  When we consider our options and the subsequent consequences of potential actions, we are indeed acting.  But it is important to communicate that you are in the consideration process so others aren’t left hanging in limbo. When my brother went in for a medical test and a possible procedure last week, the outcome wasn’t what he or the doctors had anticipated.  So they took the time to do additional tests and determine the best course of action.  It was helpful that they gave us a tentative time line so we would know when to expect a response.  The time spent evaluating the data and discussing options can make us feel anxious or impatient or both, but it is time well spent so that we respond in the most appropriate way. 
 
There are also those times that no response or a delayed response is the best course of action.  To intentionally not respond is different than just failing to respond.  Not answering when called or if someone texts you are examples of failing to respond.  It may be because you were busy at the time or forgot, but it may take on a different meaning for the other person as time passes with no response.  Delaying a response may be an appropriate strategy.  “I’ll get back to you,” or “Let’s talk about this tomorrow,” help people know of your intention to respond but not to expect one right now.  When we are angry, it’s often best to step back and not respond until we’ve had time to think.  Emotional reactions may get us in trouble with words or actions we can’t take back.  Just as you cannot “un-throw” a stone, you cannot fully take back hurtful words or vengeful actions.  Sometimes walking away is the hardest response, but the most powerful one too.
 
I like the metaphor of “learning which sword to fall on.”  I am a fixer, so over the years I have had to learn that I do not have to have the solution to every problem, particularly those where I cannot control the situation or outcome.  Not all actions require us to address them.  Some are just none of our business or don’t really amount to as much as we would make of them.  Sometimes the attention we give to a person or situation actually rewards the undesired behavior we are trying to correct, so ignoring a behavior might be the best course of action.
 
Bob Proctor has been quoted as saying, “When you react you are giving away power.  When you respond, you are staying in control of yourself.”
 
Reacting is somewhat different than responding.  In sports, we teach athletes to react because they don’t have time to think in certain scenarios.  But in reality we are teaching them to respond without thinking by practicing the skills and strategies they might use during those potential situations until they become automatic.  Responding involves conscious decision making and preparation.  It involves purpose and making decisions with a specific goal in mind.  In the NCAA National Championship basketball game earlier this week, Villanova responded to the North Carolina shot that tied the game with 4.7 seconds left by running a play they practice every day.  And it worked to give them the win.  Had they not been prepared, they might have reacted differently rather than responding with a strategy they were prepared to successfully use. 
 
“Response” is a significant part of the word "responsible" and translates to “response + able.”  Again quoting Steven Covey, “We have the freedom to choose our response to a situation.”  Perhaps we should each consider the impact of our responses before we make them (As my mother used to say “Think before you speak.”) and reflect on their results after we respond.  “ResponseAble” thoughts and behaviors will improve our effectiveness, and help us leave a more positive impact on our own life and those around us so that we can ultimately be defined by our decisions and not our circumstances.

The grandsons are coming over to spend the day on Friday.  Grandma gets to play.  This is both a blessing and a benefit to me and to them.  There is so much value in the act of "playing" if we just allow ourselves the time to do that!  And as the old saying goes, "if you don't use it, you'll lose it!"  I take pride on the fact I can still do enough stuff to "play."  So when the boys say, "Let's play Grandma," I do my best to find the time to do just that.  For me, it pays to play because of the bond we create and the memories we make. Oh yes, it's good for me too!

My entire educational career centered around "play."  In physical education we played.  It was organized and had meaningful lessons in skill and strategy, but there was also Friday Free Day when they could use the tools and skills we learned all week in their own way.  The time devoted to PE was a physical benefit to students, but also had emotional and social perks too.  Behavior and concentration usually improve when there is a physical outlet.  There were the lessons learned about teamwork and sportsmanship.  Despite the positives of regular physical activity, I struggled with a few classroom teachers who wanted to hold kids out of my class to make up work or to punish them for misdeeds.  I usually won.... but in reality the goal to keep them in class was not for me, but for the student, and that teacher too.  When we hold kids out of play opportunities, we take away their need for physical release and stimulation.  Physical activity is a positive for the body, but also the brain.  The added benefit is the lessons we learn that make us better people too.

When high stakes testing results became the focus of learning accountability for schools, the first line of defense was to increase time spent on reading and math, often sacrificing recess time or the frequency of other activities like PE, music, or art.  The irony is that test scores would have been better if those things would have been left in the students' schedule because of the many mental and social benefits that occur from healthy bodies and interested minds.  There are many authors and research studies out there that support this concept (and not just PE teachers).  In fact an article today rolled across my Facebook feed that identified a school in Texas that tripled their recess time for elementary students and both teachers and parents have seen significant benefits to this new "break time."

​"Play is not just essential for kids; it can be an important source of relaxation and stimulation for adults as well. Playing with your romantic partner, co-workers, pets, friends, and children is a sure (and fun) way to fuel your imagination, creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional well-being. And actively playing with your kids will not only improve your own mood and well-being, it will make your kids smarter, better adjusted, and less stressed."  (From the Benefits of Play for Adults, available at HelpGuide.org)

Play has always been the place where children pretended and acted out in low stakes situations and were in control of what was happening.  Play is application in action. They could use their imagination, problem solve, try new things, and work with others.  They could do it themselves.   This is not a scientific blog so we won't examine all the chemical, neurological, and circulatory benefits one would also gain from active play, but they do exist.  Learning is so much more interesting if we can make it into some kind of game.  Play is a more enjoyable form of exercise too.  Play can be useful in changing behavior too.  Remember when you encouraged your toddler to eat by pretending the spoon was an airplane?  Play is motivational and generally can take the mundane and make it more palatable.  

The problem became that we seemed to have forgotten about the importance of play and its benefits as students got older and were able to sit for longer periods of time.  As a result, we exchanged that play for organized, competitive sports.  I worry too, that organized sports start too early for most kids.  Don't get me wrong, I am a huge supporter of competitive sports as a former athlete and coach and as a current fan in the stands, but I believe there must be balance.  Even highly skilled competitors benefit from "play" breaks where the stakes are low and the enjoyment is high.  There is a difference between play and competition, and while both are beneficial, play is what we often cast aside as an unproductive use of our time even at an early age.

Adults could benefit from play if we allowed ourselves the time to do so.  As the article noted above states, it would help our physical and emotional health, challenge us, strengthen our relationships, relieve stress, and help us continue to learn.  There is something joyful about watching the smiles and laughter of children as they play.  That same joy can be experienced by adults too.  I have never had more fun than attending PE conferences as an adult, playing elementary games in order for us to experience the learning we would take back and share with our students.  There is no doubt if we allow ourselves to experience it, play is fun for adults too.  

Think back to what you used to do during "play" time as a kid.  You're already smiling, right?  My brother and I played (and fought) together both inside and out.  One of our favorite games was to play "Spy."  Now I have no idea how rural Kansas kids came to want to play that game, but we did and it was fun.  So a couple of weeks ago when the grandsons were having a sleepover, I asked them if they wanted to learn how to play "Spy."  Our version was indoors and really just a glorified game of "Hide and Seek,"  But oh the fun we had and the lessons we learned about being quiet, thoughtful about where to hide and where to look, and of course enjoying the screams and gales of laughter that occurred when we surprised each other.  As adults, our play may not be the action packed games of our childhood, but we still would benefit from the time for active, enjoyable breaks from our routine.

Even in this day and age of electronic games, there is a lot of satisfaction and lessons to be learned from conquering the challenges each game presents whether it's a word game or something more addictive like Disney's Frozen Free Fall (love that game!)  But in those electronic games, the one thing we are missing is the joy of play and the obvious physical benefits. The brain and stress reliving benefits are definitely there, but the physical activity level is not (unless you're bowling on the Wii).  So we probably need an active play break from our electronics too.

Pets are often a source of play and relaxation for people.  My son and daughter-in-law have a cat that they play with all of the time.  Many of their posts to social media and even conversations involve sharing stories and pictures about playing with the cat.  In fact, they often don't come just to visit us, but to play with all of our cats.  So play is an important connection to our well-being and can happen with our pets as well as other humans.
 
Where do we find the time to play?  In all honesty, we make time to do whatever we want to.  Maybe we help each other clean the house or do the laundry so we can play a board game or escape to the park.  Maybe we record that TV show we wanted to watch and look at it later so we can do something fun with our kids or our significant other.   Maybe we just take a break from our "to do list" or the piles of things waiting for us at the job or at home and relax and recharge so we'll be more productive when we tackle those things later.  What if our meetings at work, school or church had an element of play?   Would those precious few minutes spent playing make the working minutes more productive?  I believe it's worth a try.

As I write this, tomorrow is Friday, followed by the anticipated weekend where temperatures are supposed to be springlike here in Kansas.  What a great opportunity.  It is my wish that after reading this, you just might be inspired to find a few minutes to play before you head back to work on Monday.  I'll sign your excuse to get out of work or household chores or whatever is on your "to do list" so you can find your joy and play for awhile.  It does pay to play.  Use it or lose it!

I’ve been thinking about all those resolutions that people set as the New Year reveals itself and usually abandon about now.  As I look at my Facebook and Twitter feeds noting others’ resolve, I wonder what I should focus on this year.  What I see from the many shares and re-tweets is the desire to do something that matters.  Whether you want a new look, to be healthier, improve your relationships, get a new job, or to simply make a difference, there is one thread that seems to weave through all of the resolutions out there that will increases the chances of success:  Lean In.
 
What if we spent the entire year (and beyond) leaning in to whatever we set out to do?  How might our relationships improve, our understanding become deeper, and our awareness increase?  How much better would our health and fitness be if we leaned in to be more consistent with our healthy eating choices and increase our effort to exercise more?  How might the quality and quantity of our work improve if we leaned in to tap the wisdom of colleagues, work smarter, or reflect on performance before planning the next steps?  How much better would our attitudes toward each other be if we leaned in to find out a little more about the person or issue we are judging before we make statements or decisions that might not be valid?  What if we leaned in every day to simply make a conscious decision to make a difference?
 
Think of the times you want to hear or see things more clearly.  What do you do?  You lean in.  I’ve been taking my parents to their many appointments in the last few months.  I don’t know if I’ve suddenly began to talk more softly or their high priced hearing aids aren’t quite up to snuff, but I find myself leaning in so they can hear a little better.  I lean in when I take their hand or arm to steady them when they walk on uneven ground instead of walking at my normal pace which would be 20 feet in front of them.  Just as we lean in to hear better or to lend a hand, we also lean in to see better.  I love the screen option on my phone where I can “zoom in” and make the print or picture details big enough to see clearly.  It suddenly makes things more interesting or informative!  The added benefit of leaning in is a little more closeness and personal contact too. 
 
Leaning in means looking into the eyes and seeing the expressions of others.  It means having a face to face conversation when the important stuff comes up instead of a text or email.  Leaning in increases our personal contact, ownership, and empathy.  As a teacher, I would lean in as I spoke to elementary students who were half my height by squatting down to their eye level.  In meetings, sitting side by side allows you to lean in more than sitting across the desk which acts as a silent barrier.  Even the strategy of proximity to adjust behavior implies that you lean in as you walk toward the situation, not away. 
 
Relationships would be stronger if we would lean in more often.  We go about our cram-packed daily schedule and forget about the little things that make relationships thrive.  We take for granted our spouses and friends, assuming that they will continue to be there for us or pick up where we left off regardless of whether we make an effort or not.  Leaning in requires a determination on our part to do those little things that make others feel appreciated, remembered, and cared for.  We may not have time for those long dates or leisurely lunches, but a text, a note, a phone call, or a random hug makes a world of difference to not only the other person but in us too.  Lean in on a regular basis and see how that good relationship can become great again.
 
Like my cats in the picture above, we lean in to stay warm and to calm us in times of crisis. We may snuggle for warmth or comfort under a cozy blanket, or convene a meeting of like minds to resolve a situation.  Collaboration is leaning in to set and achieve goals, solve problems, or improve performance in a small group.  There is safety in numbers, but there is also comfort.  Together we achieve more (TEAM) if we lean in.
 
Leaning in also makes a difference in the success of change initiatives, events, or the organization itself. Our small local church begins our annual “Souper Bowl” on Sunday.   We collect cans of soup and pasta for area food pantries over a 3 week period ending on Super Bowl Sunday.  We have a friendly competition with a nearby church and each year collect more and more cans.  The excitement and energy of this event arises because everyone leans in – to buy soup, donate money, spread the word, and deliver the soup after it’s all over.  We walk our talk to serve others.  What if we leaned in like this the entire year for everything we do to serve our mission and community?  Could we sustain that enthusiasm and benefit from the increased attendance that comes during this time of year, and ultimately accomplish more? 
 
The Kansas State Department of Education has a new slogan that Kansans Can.  It supports the vision and mission that all students can achieve success and be college and career ready.  It won’t happen because they made a clever video or have a cute logo.  It will happen because all stakeholder groups, educators, and even students, will lean in and do the work to realize this goal.  Lean in is not an initiative, but an action.
 
With any initiative, whether it is at work, school, church, or within the community, the more you lean in, the better the result.  When I was in college, I sat on the back row, as far away from the instructor as possible in most classes.  The result was what you might imagine.  I did OK, but in no way was I leaning in to my coursework.  As I got into more difficult, albeit interesting classes, I moved closer to the action.  I achieved the best grade in one of the most challenging courses in my undergraduate work because I was in a small class, actively engaged, and spent each day after class reteaching the math part of the content to my friend who just didn’t get it.  I was in the thick of things.  That lesson helped me later on in my graduate work where I no longer was content to get by.  I leaned in to the content, worked diligently with a colleague, and was actively engaged.  The result was more than a degree, but a level of satisfaction that was much more rewarding.  As a public school teacher in the past and an adjunct instructor and consultant today, I work really hard to help my students/participants lean in and become active learners.  Leaning in isn’t something we naturally do in uncertain situations and sometimes takes a little encouragement.
 
Last of all, leaning in requires you to make an effort and accept responsibility.  It’s easy to sit on the outside and make comments or suggestions without really being involved.  It’s easy to criticize or judge others when we don’t lean in close enough to get the full context of their situation, opinions, or beliefs.  With the political season in high gear, many decisions are being made by those currently in office, and will be made by those running for office.  Lean in folks!  Be informed on the issues and stances of those you will elect by listening to and learning about all sides of the issues.  Most of all, take the time to vote.  I can’t believe how few people voted in the last Kansas statewide election and now how many people are complaining about the subsequent decisions that have been made as a result.  Lean in or be left out.
 
So regardless of the resolution you choose to pursue, or the everyday task at hand, lean in.  Get close to the action.  Make it personal.  Invite others.  Make a difference with your interest and your effort.  Then enjoy the results:  improved health, better relationships, successful events, and happier communities.   Lean In every day!

​Today I lost a little part of me.  I got a hug from my doctor and left his office holding back a few tears, not from any bad news about my health, but because it was most likely the last time I would I would spend any quality time with this man – someone who I have trusted and relied on for over half my life – and in reality maybe the last time I would actually see him.  You see, next week Rod retires.  He’s not an old man.  In fact, he’s just a few years older than I am (so the leap here is that I’m not an old woman…).  He says he still loves being a doctor, but it’s "time to take a breath.”  And he deserves it.  He has grandchildren to chase and old cars to bring back to health.  But oh I will miss him, and I won't be alone.
 
It was 33 years ago in the fall, much like today, when Rod and I first met.  I was expecting my first baby and my husband and I decided it would be best to deliver at the city hospital instead of the country hospital even though it was closer to where we live.  So we found a city doctor.  He was young and hadn’t been practicing that long, but he was highly recommended by friends, and he was a great fit for us from the beginning.  His nurse, Joni, has been his side kick all these years too.  They are quite a pair and they welcomed us to their team with open arms.   Today, as I looked at these familiar faces and shared stories and laughter, I barely noticed the graying hair, laugh lines, and aging faces.  What I did see were two people that truly cared about me, and I about them.  I saw two people who had been with me through some of the highest points in my life with the birth of our children, and through the tough and sometimes scary periods of illness and hospital visits.  We laughed today as we noted that in reality we all have grown up together, and upon closer examination, grown older together as well.
 
I have learned a lot about health and life from this kind and gentle man.  I marvel at the relationship he has with his patients and the patience he exhibits with each and every one.  Today he called me his friend.  And the tears crept closer to the surface.  It’s funny to think of your doctor as your friend when you don’t run in the same social circles, but indeed we are.  We talk about the things friends talk about… our kids, the latest K-State or KU game (and yes he bleeds purple too!), about our jobs, life events, and oh yes, about whatever health issue I was having when I came to visit.  He treated me, the person; not just me, the patient.  One of the things driving him to retirement is that so many try to make “doctoring” a business.  It’s a career focused on people, just like education is.  So we have that in common as well.
 
We talked about the importance of having a primary care doctor who really knew you and your history.  I know there is a need for the walk in prompt-care type medical clinics and the ER, but I don’t want to rely on those options for my regular medical care.  I want the person treating me to know me.  I want them to have a vested interest in me and care about the outcome of my health concerns.  Rod calls himself a dinosaur because he does care and feels an emotional investment in his patients, contrary to what he was taught in medical school and how the corporate world would like to view medicine in general.  Just like I can’t be the best teacher for a child if I am indifferent to their needs and don’t know their story, he can’t be the doctor I need without that connection as well.  I guess that makes me a dinosaur too.

One of Rod’s best qualities is that he really listens.  He hears what you are not saying just as well as what you are saying.  He asks questions.  He relates technical things in ways that are easy to understand.  He makes suggestions, but he doesn’t judge you or make you feel worse than you already do.  Because he listens without judgment, he makes it safe to say what needs to be said, to ask questions, and discuss options.  I was at a conference this week and the presenter, Bruce Wellman, noted that we should, “Make it safe enough for others to think in your presence.”  Rod invited us to share what we were thinking by his own demeanor and practice of listening first.  Wouldn’t all of our relationships improve if we listened first?
 
Several years ago he had his own health crisis and wasn’t able to practice for a couple of years.  We were shocked by his diagnosis and prayed for healing.  And oh did we miss him.  The other doctors that we saw during that time were nice, and took good care of us, but they just weren’t Rod.  Thankfully his health was restored and he was able to return to full time practice.  This time, he walks away on his own terms and while we are sad to see our friend depart, we celebrate a career that has touched so many lives.  And once again I will begin the process of finding another Rod… if that is even possible.  Do they even make them like him anymore?
 
As I drove home late this afternoon, I thought about the other times in my life where separation created these same conflicted feelings – contrasting a full heart of memories and love with an empty longing, as I try to hold on to what was.  One of my closest friends moved across the country 20 years ago.  I have seen her many times over the years and we remain dear, dear friends, but I was forever affected by that physical move.  Even my own decision to pursue another job and to leave the school (and the people) where I taught for 28 years left a real void in my life.  The friendships are still there, but things will never be quite the same.  Rod’s decision to retire is no different.  We often take our circumstances and the people around us for granted, because they are always there…until they are not.
 
Change is never easy and when I first heard about Rod’s retirement I immediately thought I needed to get an appointment scheduled so we could have one last chat – since getting sick wasn’t a guarantee or necessarily the way I wanted to see him for the last time.  I’m glad I got to be a part of the final week of his practice.  I can’t imagine how many times he’s said “goodbye” over the last few months to long time patients who had become old friends.  As I sat in my hospital gown thinking this would his last view of me (Yikes!), I was grateful when he hugged me and slipped out of the room before the tears began to flow.  I’d like to think this isn’t goodbye because we’ll see each other again in the new chapter of his life, but I’m not sure that will happen.  So I’m left with the memories of him sitting and talking to me in the office, delivering my 2 kids, chatting away while he poked and prodded, always keeping me at ease no matter what the situation.  I’ll remember him being Rod.  And I will be grateful to have known him and benefitted from his care. 
 
And now, my friend, go take the time for that much deserved “breath.”