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Vicki's Blog

My thoughts on education, improvement, and life itself.  Enjoy!

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Bloom Anyway

4/17/2014

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The mounds of daffodils and tulips were brimming with buds, had just started blooming around our yard this past weekend while temperatures soared into the 70's.  But of course, we live in Kansas, so they were not shocked early Tuesday morning when temperatures dipped into the 20's.  These are tough flowers, ready to face whatever challenges Mother Nature sends their way.  I thought about covering them, but did not.  I hoped they would make it through.  I hoped they would bloom anyway.  The temperatures rebounded quickly, only to be followed the next day by a howling wind, with gusts big enough to move vehicles on the road, send trash cans rolling out into the street, and whip those new blooms into frazzle.   But today, with calm winds on a cool, partly sunny, spring day, the daffodils and tulips continue to open new beautiful yellow and red blooms, denying the Kansas weather victory despite it's best shot.  They did as I had hoped and bloomed anyway.

And isn't this the way many of us face life?  What takes down one person, is just another obstacle to hurdle for another.    Some of us just bloom anyway.

Kansas educators have taken some real gut punches in the last few weeks as politics reared its ugly head in the legislature.  There were some wins for kids and teachers alike, but they came with a price.  But when it was all said and done (and really it's still not done), teachers went to school and taught their students, coaxing them to bloom, just like the do every day.  Political battles may take their toll, but we still are able to experience the true beauty of teaching and learning.  It would be nice to make more money, have general support from the public, and have tenure to protect us from undeserving criticism, but no matter what, we are educators first and we will find a way to bloom anyway.

As a teacher, I saw many students over the years demonstrate their ability to persevere and stand tall despite the odds stacked against them.  There is no greater joy for a teacher than to see a smile spread across a child's face when they finally get something that has been difficult to understand; or when hard work pays off for an athlete so they are able to feel the joy of a personal best and perhaps earn a medal too.  Some kids give up easily while others dig down deep and find a way to bloom.  Maybe they weren't as smart or talented as their peers; maybe no one supported them like they should have, but somehow, some way, they found a way to bloom anyway.

I see this same thing happening right now with people that I know.  Some are fighting cancer.  Some are dusting themselves off from a failed relationship, loss of a job, or other disappointment.  Some just can't figure out why today, of all days, that tire went flat on their way to work.  But I see their determination to emerge from these pitfalls and sometimes tragic events.  I see them find ways to bloom amid frustration and bad news.  I see them deepen their faith and offer comfort to others, whose plight might be just as dire as their own.  We  win when we choose to stand strong and bloom anyway despite overwhelming odds.

It is the resiliency of the tulips and daffodils that inspire us during their fight to give us a burst of color as we emerge from the grays of winter.  It's easy to bloom during those springs when temperatures are warm and rains fall generously.  It is in those times of personal challenge, when others may have said it couldn't be done or stood in our way, that makes us appreciate our efforts to stand strong and bloom anyway.  

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March Madness:  Change Happens!

3/12/2014

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You must live in Kansas (or at least the Midwest) if in one 24 hour period you experience 75 degree temperatures, rain, sleet, snow, 50 mph winds and below freezing temperatures.  All this means is that change is in the air.  But even if you know it's coming and want it to come, change is never easy.  There is no easy button to push or switch to flip.  We must endure the tug of war that spring and winter have every March, sometimes extending to May!  But wait!  Those changes will be so good for us and give us a new lease on life!  Who doesn't look forward to green grass, sunshine and warmer temperatures!

There's that word again - change - that keeps cropping up in my blogs.  It's on my mind a lot lately since it seems like the more you want things to stay the same, the more they change.  Kansas schools are going through a lot of changes with new curriculum, new evaluations, technology, and new accreditation requirements.   Change is happening in my family as a graduation is looming and a wedding will follow before long.  Change is happening in our church as we try to determine the best way to serve the needs of our congregation and the community too. Heck, people change too as they age.  It's fun to see my grandsons change and grow up, but when you get to be my age, not all those changes are good.  As a result, I must make some adjustments in my exercise and eating routines to account for some unwanted, age-related changes.  Most of the time change makes things better, but it is all too apparent that change also makes us uncomfortable, because that darn box we live in just feels so right!  


March is one of those months that is full of change, dramatic turns, and tests of our resolve.  Even the word "march" reminds us that when people want change, they often "march" and carry signs to demonstrate their need for something different to happen.  In schools during March, from preschool to the collegiate level, you find exhausted teachers and students, and probably parents too.  State assessments and mid-terms are happening.  In an effort to deal with their stress, they are looking forward to spring break - a change in their routine - and even that can be stressful!  

Daylight Savings Time is another example of familiar change.  In all but two states (Arizona and Hawaii), we go through the annual rituals of "spring forward and fall back," ostensibly to get the most out of the available daylight.  Fall back doesn't feel so bad.  We go to bed and get an extra hour of sleep.  But spring forward?  Seriously?  We all need to have a spring break to get used to this one hour difference.  Ironically the time change used to occur around April 1st - perhaps the biggest practical joke of all time?  Now we have backed it up a couple of weeks so it occurs right when Ol' Man Winter and Spring Thaw are competing for domination.  So if the weather doesn't give us enough fits with temperature extremes and indecision as to whether we should wear pants or shorts, or take along a jacket or a heavy coat, then we are dealing with sleep disorders while our biological clocks adjust to the change brought on by turning our visual clocks forward one hour.  So even though we know this change is coming, and we want it to come, it is still hard for us to transition smoothly into a new season.

If change is inevitable, then what can we do to make our transitions easier? 

1.  Embrace the idea that change is going to happen.  Being open to change in the first place helps your mindset accept change as a necessary course of action for success.  Change must happen if we are to progress.  How you respond to that change will ultimately determine how smoothly you transition to the new behavior, routine, or situation that results from the imposed change.  Plan to be uncomfortable for a while.  Plan for obstacles and failures that may happen when the change first starts.  Remember that fear of change locks us into mediocrity which is the enemy of greatness.  We often waste a lot of time and energy resisting change which keeps us from being great.

2.  Make an effort to understand why the change is necessary.   Often our resistance occurs because the answers to our "why" questions have not been resolved.  Once we understand why, which includes the purpose or reason, acceptance is easier because we can square it with our thinking.  "How and What" become easier to implement and achieve if we understand the motive.

3.  Focus on doing things that will lead to the desired outcome, and on the benefits that will potentially occur once the change has been implemented.  This mindset goes along with the idea that you get what you expect or what you think about most.  My dad used to tell me, when I learned to drive, that I had to look down the road to see what was coming, and not just focus on what was right in front of me so I would be ready for whatever happens.  It also helps to keep our eye on the prize.  We've all seen races where the runner keeps looking back over his/her shoulder only to be caught or to stumble....those doubts and fears distract us.  Hope and optimism cheer us on and keep us focused on what is in front of us!  Expect success!

So this March think of all the changes that happen every day in your life and about the changes that need to happen in your life.  Through what lens will you look at those changes?  How will you respond? Make your March Madness be about basketball games instead of the craziness that often overwhelms us during the change process. Expect change and expect great results!




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Using Fear to Succeed

3/6/2014

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I woke up early this morning - too early in fact - thinking about fear.  Not the blood-curdling, life-threatening kind of fear, or the irrational fears that phobias produce, but fear that oozes into our lives every day.  Fear of the unknown; fear of failure or disappointment; doubts that comes from the "what ifs" that often occupy our thoughts.  So how can we harness our fears or doubts and turn something potentially negative into a road map for success?

Fear Is Not to Be Feared 

Fear keeps us safe.  It gives us parameters to work within.  It forces us to plan ahead for obstacles and consequences.  Fear of potential consequences is what keeps most people from breaking the law/rules. It's why you suddenly slow down when you see a cop even though you weren't speeding.  It doesn't keep you from driving anywhere, but it does make you more vigilant.  Fear should produce respect for boundaries and yet not limit how we operate within the expectations. 


Fear can also be a source of motivation.  It helps us set goals to avoid those failings we realize could happen.  It helps us seek the knowledge and skills we need to be successful so we can avoid failure or the consequences of not changing/improving.


Fear is a problem when it paralyzes us and keeps us from moving forward.   When we analyze why some people resist change, it is often grounded in the fears they have of their own personal misunderstanding, shortcomings, or the unknown.  It may be compounded by past failures too.  Fear blinds us to the possibilities that exist and won't let us get past the "yes buts" that plague our thoughts.  Fear whispers in our ear that it's OK to be safe and never OK to take a risk.  And when we listen without considering possibilities, fear's grip on us becomes even tighter.

When fear controls us we put up walls; we resist assistance; we make excuses; we blame; we dwell on the darkness instead of the light.  Can't and won't become 4-letter words that dominate our thoughts and conversations.  How do we get our fear under control?

Knowledge is Power
My son is a smart man and of course started out as a smart little boy.  But he had one trait that was going to keep him from being successful in life and that was the fear of trying new things.  In some cases it was fear of failure, but mostly it was just fear of the unknown. Anxiety plagued him from trying new foods to even playing games that were supposed to be fun!  Eventually after a lot of support from his teachers, and encouragement from his family and friends, he was able to understand that if he learned enough about each situation, he could be persuaded to try it.  Baby steps.  Where food once was something he rarely experimented with, he now loves to cook and try new things!  He loves the "chemistry" of food and spice combinations so suddenly food isn't a scary thing now.  Of course there are still things he won't eat, but he isn't going to starve either!

To gain this knowledge, you have to ask the right questions and do your homework.  Consider the options available.  Ask what will happen if I don't do this?  What could happen if I do?  What do I already know? How much do I have to know to get started and will I be able to increase my knowledge as I progress?  But ultimately, action becomes necessary because if you do nothing you will gain nothing.

Focus on What You CAN DO Rather Than on What You Can't Do
Your thoughts shape your destiny.  We often sell ourselves short, not feeling like what we have to offer (in terms of skills, abilities, talents, etc.) will make a difference to others. Sometimes we find a task may be asking more of us than what we think can accomplish.  So to overcome these self-doubts we must focus on what we CAN DO.   One way is to turn the job into manageable chunks that seem less overwhelming which can also provide us with success points along the way.   In addition, we must learn to trust the confidence that others have in us, and be willing to share or utilize our talents in a small way initially until we can learn to appreciate what we have to offer on a bigger scale.  For example on a large project we can offer to be a piece of the puzzle because helping the team be successful will allow us to feel good about our contribution, which in turn might lead to a bigger contribution the next time.

When we do stumble, we must reflect on the experience and find ways to improve or new ways to tackle the issue at hand.  Failure only comes when we fail to learn or fail to try again.  As Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work!"

Implications for Educators and Parents
Understanding the role that fear plays in our lives is critical to our success.  As parents and educators, we must find ways to guide our children/students through the choppy waters of life that can be scary at times.  We must provide them with the necessary knowledge and skills that give them a chance to be successful; let them practice in safe situations; and allow them to fail and learn from their mistakes.  It is natural to want to protect our children or students from the unpleasantness of life, but if we always "save" them from failure, they will never learn to use those opportunities as learning experiences, and fear of failure will become an even greater issue.

As I noted in my last blog, optimism springs from hope.  Too much fear squelches optimism and hope.  We must find ways to build trust and have faith.  Building a background of knowledge and skills, and focusing on what CAN be done will help to keep fear in check and allow us to consider the many possibilities that exist for us in all that we do.   And then above all, Never, Never, Never Give Up!




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Optimism:  What You Believe is Possible

2/27/2014

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Have you watched the Lego movie that has been in theaters recently?  I watched it with my grandsons, thinking that I was doing them a favor, when really that movie did me a favor.  It had a great plot for kids - but also for the grown ups that took them to see the movie (good idea movie makers!).  The underlying premise:  You'd be amazed at what you can accomplish if you believe you can. Recognizing that often comes when someone else believes in you or notices what you have done.  As a parent, grandparent and educator, this is gold.

When Accomplishment Leads to Optimism
Today as the sun shines into my office, I am feeling like I am feeling accomplished and ready to tackle another project!  There is a whole new attitude exuding from me!  Why you ask?  What did I do that was so life-altering?  

Did I get a new job?  No - nothing that big.  But I finally completed a job that I have put off for a long time - because I guess I didn't have the necessary motivation to tackle it!   I have finally re-sorted the books on my shelves that I so deliberately put in alphabetical order by author when I first moved in a couple of years ago.  Why is this a big deal?  Because I look for TOPICS not authors, so I have had to look through every book to find the appropriate resource unless I know who the author is.  Today's little accomplishment has organized my office, made resources more available and useful, and will help my friend who needs some information from my wealth of resources.  Yes, her request was the necessary motivation I needed to overcome my procrastination.  She believed that I could help her and suddenly the state of my resources took on new importance and made me not only want to do the job, but do it now!  I feel proud, energized and ready for the next project!

Believe In Me so That I Can Believe in Me
So you think it might be silly to blog about such as reorganizing my books?  I think not.  Optimism and hope are reasons to get out of bed each day regardless of our age or vocation.  Without those things we feel unmotivated and irrelevant.  Every day I walk into my office, look around, shrug and think I'll reorganize another day.  What does it matter?  It's just me in my office.  Everyone else can stay out.  But when someone else needs you, then suddenly, it matters - because what I am doing matters to that person, and as a result, matters to me.

Relationships are important to the quality of everyone's existence.  We rely on others to help us see more clearly, provide us with feedback, to share our hopes and dreams, and to help us feel validated or relevant.  What messages are we sending to others?  Do we let them know we believe in their ability to succeed, and recognize their progress?  Our words and actions let others know that we believe in them or not; that we value them or not; that we support them or not.  

The Power of Positive Intent
What is Positive Intent?  It is not merely optimism.  It is a belief of ability, that what can happen will happen, of expectation rather than failure.  It can be held by the individual, by others about the individual, or by groups.  It's what you think about, how you phrase your self talk or what you say out loud to others.  It is an expectation.  It's a big deal and it sets people up to succeed... or not.

Establishing expectations is a way of providing someone with belief in their ability to succeed.   It is positive and intentional.  You can... you will...  In school, we provide rubrics so students can guide their own learning and know when they have met the expectations.  In everyday life, we provide parameters of time and quality to do the same thing.  

Allowing someone to do a job independently helps that person to believe in themselves because you "allowed them" to do it on their own.  Give them the tools to succeed but don't do the work for them.  Watch their face light up as they accomplish what they set out to do.  Remember the first time you tied your shoes, rode a bike, swam across the pool, or finished that first 5K, ALL BY YOURSELF?  It's that feeling of satisfaction that provides us optimism for the next job at hand.

As individuals, we have the ability to regulate our own thoughts, control our motivation, and ultimately our actions.  Like the Little Engine that Could,  "I think I Can" gets us through a lot of tough situations, but may not be enough.  Without the feedback or reinforcement from others, we are often unkind to ourselves.  We fail to appreciate what we can do or realize how much we matter.  Humans rely on reinforcement.   We don't need external reinforcement as much as we need to feel appreciated and valued.  And with those feelings comes the attitude of optimism and hope.  Life is worth living!
 
Are you the sunshine that someone needs to emerge from their gloomy day, the encouragement they need to take the next step?  Make a difference for others and for yourself.  Find a way to focus on the positives and share that optimism with others.  No one wants to be irrelevant.  I have another friend that closes every workshop by saying, "You matter."   I truly believe that and I challenge you to help make someone else feel like they matter too!


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    Author

    Vicki Bechard, 
    Owner and Lead Consultant

    I express myself best when I write, even though most who know me think I talk quite a bit!  

    I'm an educator first and foremost whether my students are kids, teachers, or my own children and grandchildren.  

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