Teaching and Learning Consulting Network, LLC
Contact us
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Connect With Us
    • Costs
  • Professional Learning
    • 7 PL Standards
    • Adult Learners
    • Change Models
    • Leadership
  • Curriculum
    • Curriculum Design
  • Vicki's Blog

Vicki's Blog

My thoughts on education, improvement, and life itself.  Enjoy!

TLC Home

Time to Take a Breath

11/11/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture

​People may forget what you said, but they will never forget
​ how you made them feel.

​Today I lost a little part of me.  I got a hug from my doctor and left his office holding back a few tears, not from any bad news about my health, but because it was most likely the last time I would I would spend any quality time with this man – someone who I have trusted and relied on for over half my life – and in reality maybe the last time I would actually see him.  You see, next week Rod retires.  He’s not an old man.  In fact, he’s just a few years older than I am (so the leap here is that I’m not an old woman…).  He says he still loves being a doctor, but it’s "time to take a breath.”  And he deserves it.  He has grandchildren to chase and old cars to bring back to health.  But oh I will miss him, and I won't be alone.
 
It was 33 years ago in the fall, much like today, when Rod and I first met.  I was expecting my first baby and my husband and I decided it would be best to deliver at the city hospital instead of the country hospital even though it was closer to where we live.  So we found a city doctor.  He was young and hadn’t been practicing that long, but he was highly recommended by friends, and he was a great fit for us from the beginning.  His nurse, Joni, has been his side kick all these years too.  They are quite a pair and they welcomed us to their team with open arms.   Today, as I looked at these familiar faces and shared stories and laughter, I barely noticed the graying hair, laugh lines, and aging faces.  What I did see were two people that truly cared about me, and I about them.  I saw two people who had been with me through some of the highest points in my life with the birth of our children, and through the tough and sometimes scary periods of illness and hospital visits.  We laughed today as we noted that in reality we all have grown up together, and upon closer examination, grown older together as well.
 
I have learned a lot about health and life from this kind and gentle man.  I marvel at the relationship he has with his patients and the patience he exhibits with each and every one.  Today he called me his friend.  And the tears crept closer to the surface.  It’s funny to think of your doctor as your friend when you don’t run in the same social circles, but indeed we are.  We talk about the things friends talk about… our kids, the latest K-State or KU game (and yes he bleeds purple too!), about our jobs, life events, and oh yes, about whatever health issue I was having when I came to visit.  He treated me, the person; not just me, the patient.  One of the things driving him to retirement is that so many try to make “doctoring” a business.  It’s a career focused on people, just like education is.  So we have that in common as well.
 
We talked about the importance of having a primary care doctor who really knew you and your history.  I know there is a need for the walk in prompt-care type medical clinics and the ER, but I don’t want to rely on those options for my regular medical care.  I want the person treating me to know me.  I want them to have a vested interest in me and care about the outcome of my health concerns.  Rod calls himself a dinosaur because he does care and feels an emotional investment in his patients, contrary to what he was taught in medical school and how the corporate world would like to view medicine in general.  Just like I can’t be the best teacher for a child if I am indifferent to their needs and don’t know their story, he can’t be the doctor I need without that connection as well.  I guess that makes me a dinosaur too.

One of Rod’s best qualities is that he really listens.  He hears what you are not saying just as well as what you are saying.  He asks questions.  He relates technical things in ways that are easy to understand.  He makes suggestions, but he doesn’t judge you or make you feel worse than you already do.  Because he listens without judgment, he makes it safe to say what needs to be said, to ask questions, and discuss options.  I was at a conference this week and the presenter, Bruce Wellman, noted that we should, “Make it safe enough for others to think in your presence.”  Rod invited us to share what we were thinking by his own demeanor and practice of listening first.  Wouldn’t all of our relationships improve if we listened first?
 
Several years ago he had his own health crisis and wasn’t able to practice for a couple of years.  We were shocked by his diagnosis and prayed for healing.  And oh did we miss him.  The other doctors that we saw during that time were nice, and took good care of us, but they just weren’t Rod.  Thankfully his health was restored and he was able to return to full time practice.  This time, he walks away on his own terms and while we are sad to see our friend depart, we celebrate a career that has touched so many lives.  And once again I will begin the process of finding another Rod… if that is even possible.  Do they even make them like him anymore?
 
As I drove home late this afternoon, I thought about the other times in my life where separation created these same conflicted feelings – contrasting a full heart of memories and love with an empty longing, as I try to hold on to what was.  One of my closest friends moved across the country 20 years ago.  I have seen her many times over the years and we remain dear, dear friends, but I was forever affected by that physical move.  Even my own decision to pursue another job and to leave the school (and the people) where I taught for 28 years left a real void in my life.  The friendships are still there, but things will never be quite the same.  Rod’s decision to retire is no different.  We often take our circumstances and the people around us for granted, because they are always there…until they are not.
 
Change is never easy and when I first heard about Rod’s retirement I immediately thought I needed to get an appointment scheduled so we could have one last chat – since getting sick wasn’t a guarantee or necessarily the way I wanted to see him for the last time.  I’m glad I got to be a part of the final week of his practice.  I can’t imagine how many times he’s said “goodbye” over the last few months to long time patients who had become old friends.  As I sat in my hospital gown thinking this would his last view of me (Yikes!), I was grateful when he hugged me and slipped out of the room before the tears began to flow.  I’d like to think this isn’t goodbye because we’ll see each other again in the new chapter of his life, but I’m not sure that will happen.  So I’m left with the memories of him sitting and talking to me in the office, delivering my 2 kids, chatting away while he poked and prodded, always keeping me at ease no matter what the situation.  I’ll remember him being Rod.  And I will be grateful to have known him and benefitted from his care. 
 
And now, my friend, go take the time for that much deserved “breath.”
2 Comments
Jack Krebs
11/11/2015 09:59:27 am

Hi Vickie - what a nice tribute to Rod, who has been my doctor also since the 70's sometime. And nice to find your blog. I just retired from Oskie - we've been in education for a long time, and maybe could occasionally use some time to catch our breath ourselves. :-)

Reply
Vicki
11/11/2015 01:09:45 pm

Thanks Jack. Rod is truly a great guy - much like the educators that have influenced us over the years. Congrats on your retirement!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Vicki Bechard, 
    Owner and Lead Consultant

    I express myself best when I write, even though most who know me think I talk quite a bit!  

    I'm an educator first and foremost whether my students are kids, teachers, or my own children and grandchildren.  

    Archives

    August 2017
    July 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    April 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012

    Categories

    All
    Action
    Anniversary
    Anticipation
    Attitude
    Beginnings
    Be Present
    Blessings
    Bloom
    Bridges
    Change
    Circumstances
    Common Core
    Curriculum Planning
    Doing
    Endings
    Expectations
    Failure
    Fear
    Fight Or Flight
    #ForeverRoyal
    Foundation
    Friendship
    Fun
    Graduation
    Headlines
    Healthy
    Joy
    Kansans Can
    Kansas
    Kinda
    Kindness
    #ksleg
    K State
    K-State
    Leadership
    Lean In
    Life
    Make A Difference
    Memories
    Mom
    Moments
    NCAA Basketball
    Nurses
    Optimism
    Persevere
    Pets
    Photographs
    Play
    Positive Intent
    Prairie Burning
    Pro Bowl
    Productive Struggles
    Professional Learning
    Purpose
    Reflection
    Relationships
    Relevance
    Resiliency
    Resolutions
    Respect
    Response
    Rigor
    Royals
    School Improvement
    School Shooting
    Sorta
    Spring
    Success
    Surviving
    Taken For Granted
    Teachers
    Teamwork
    Thankful
    The Dash
    Understanding By Design
    Weddings
    Why
    Winter
    World Series

    RSS Feed

Contact us at vickib@teachingandlearningnetwork.com
20064 K-92 Hwy, McLouth, KS  66054
913-796-6241