​Today I lost a little part of me.  I got a hug from my doctor and left his office holding back a few tears, not from any bad news about my health, but because it was most likely the last time I would I would spend any quality time with this man – someone who I have trusted and relied on for over half my life – and in reality maybe the last time I would actually see him.  You see, next week Rod retires.  He’s not an old man.  In fact, he’s just a few years older than I am (so the leap here is that I’m not an old woman…).  He says he still loves being a doctor, but it’s "time to take a breath.”  And he deserves it.  He has grandchildren to chase and old cars to bring back to health.  But oh I will miss him, and I won't be alone.
 
It was 33 years ago in the fall, much like today, when Rod and I first met.  I was expecting my first baby and my husband and I decided it would be best to deliver at the city hospital instead of the country hospital even though it was closer to where we live.  So we found a city doctor.  He was young and hadn’t been practicing that long, but he was highly recommended by friends, and he was a great fit for us from the beginning.  His nurse, Joni, has been his side kick all these years too.  They are quite a pair and they welcomed us to their team with open arms.   Today, as I looked at these familiar faces and shared stories and laughter, I barely noticed the graying hair, laugh lines, and aging faces.  What I did see were two people that truly cared about me, and I about them.  I saw two people who had been with me through some of the highest points in my life with the birth of our children, and through the tough and sometimes scary periods of illness and hospital visits.  We laughed today as we noted that in reality we all have grown up together, and upon closer examination, grown older together as well.
 
I have learned a lot about health and life from this kind and gentle man.  I marvel at the relationship he has with his patients and the patience he exhibits with each and every one.  Today he called me his friend.  And the tears crept closer to the surface.  It’s funny to think of your doctor as your friend when you don’t run in the same social circles, but indeed we are.  We talk about the things friends talk about… our kids, the latest K-State or KU game (and yes he bleeds purple too!), about our jobs, life events, and oh yes, about whatever health issue I was having when I came to visit.  He treated me, the person; not just me, the patient.  One of the things driving him to retirement is that so many try to make “doctoring” a business.  It’s a career focused on people, just like education is.  So we have that in common as well.
 
We talked about the importance of having a primary care doctor who really knew you and your history.  I know there is a need for the walk in prompt-care type medical clinics and the ER, but I don’t want to rely on those options for my regular medical care.  I want the person treating me to know me.  I want them to have a vested interest in me and care about the outcome of my health concerns.  Rod calls himself a dinosaur because he does care and feels an emotional investment in his patients, contrary to what he was taught in medical school and how the corporate world would like to view medicine in general.  Just like I can’t be the best teacher for a child if I am indifferent to their needs and don’t know their story, he can’t be the doctor I need without that connection as well.  I guess that makes me a dinosaur too.

One of Rod’s best qualities is that he really listens.  He hears what you are not saying just as well as what you are saying.  He asks questions.  He relates technical things in ways that are easy to understand.  He makes suggestions, but he doesn’t judge you or make you feel worse than you already do.  Because he listens without judgment, he makes it safe to say what needs to be said, to ask questions, and discuss options.  I was at a conference this week and the presenter, Bruce Wellman, noted that we should, “Make it safe enough for others to think in your presence.”  Rod invited us to share what we were thinking by his own demeanor and practice of listening first.  Wouldn’t all of our relationships improve if we listened first?
 
Several years ago he had his own health crisis and wasn’t able to practice for a couple of years.  We were shocked by his diagnosis and prayed for healing.  And oh did we miss him.  The other doctors that we saw during that time were nice, and took good care of us, but they just weren’t Rod.  Thankfully his health was restored and he was able to return to full time practice.  This time, he walks away on his own terms and while we are sad to see our friend depart, we celebrate a career that has touched so many lives.  And once again I will begin the process of finding another Rod… if that is even possible.  Do they even make them like him anymore?
 
As I drove home late this afternoon, I thought about the other times in my life where separation created these same conflicted feelings – contrasting a full heart of memories and love with an empty longing, as I try to hold on to what was.  One of my closest friends moved across the country 20 years ago.  I have seen her many times over the years and we remain dear, dear friends, but I was forever affected by that physical move.  Even my own decision to pursue another job and to leave the school (and the people) where I taught for 28 years left a real void in my life.  The friendships are still there, but things will never be quite the same.  Rod’s decision to retire is no different.  We often take our circumstances and the people around us for granted, because they are always there…until they are not.
 
Change is never easy and when I first heard about Rod’s retirement I immediately thought I needed to get an appointment scheduled so we could have one last chat – since getting sick wasn’t a guarantee or necessarily the way I wanted to see him for the last time.  I’m glad I got to be a part of the final week of his practice.  I can’t imagine how many times he’s said “goodbye” over the last few months to long time patients who had become old friends.  As I sat in my hospital gown thinking this would his last view of me (Yikes!), I was grateful when he hugged me and slipped out of the room before the tears began to flow.  I’d like to think this isn’t goodbye because we’ll see each other again in the new chapter of his life, but I’m not sure that will happen.  So I’m left with the memories of him sitting and talking to me in the office, delivering my 2 kids, chatting away while he poked and prodded, always keeping me at ease no matter what the situation.  I’ll remember him being Rod.  And I will be grateful to have known him and benefitted from his care. 
 
And now, my friend, go take the time for that much deserved “breath.”

So many stories have emerged from the Kansas City Royals World Series Championship.  The most compelling story for me is the one of relationships:  the kind and quality that exists between the Royals players and coaches, and the love affair the city has with their team. 
 
Winners are successful at the endeavors they seek and do not have to be a part of any kind of sporting team or event to gain that title.  So while sports may not be your thing, being successful is something most of us aspire to be.  How do we teach our kids to be winners in life?  What lessons can we learn from the Royals successful journey to the top of their sport?  While there are many lessons, let’s focus on three.
 
1. Relationships Matter:  Who doesn’t love a winner?  Yet no one is born a winner, winners are made.  Winners climb and claw their way to the top.  Most revel in the moment but are quick to point out all those who helped get them to this point.  That’s why Oscar winners have a long list of people to thank, and the Royals players were quick to note teammates, coaches, family, friends, fans, and even angels that have inspired them along the way.  Many have also demonstrated their faith in God, or other higher being, by pointing to the sky, crossing themselves, or verbally giving thanks for the blessings they have received.  No one believes they got there on their own.  And what it boils down to is that finding success does not mean having the most or best talent, but comes from the belief in oneself, support and encouragement from others, the willingness to step up, and the heart to never quit.  The bottom line is, “Who got you there, baby?”   Relationships matter.
 
2. Having a plan and sticking to it, albeit with adjustments along the way, is an important step in the success process.  Dayton Moore, Kansas City’s General Manager did just that.  You can read all about it in his book (More Than a Season:  Building a Championship Culture) or understand the value he places on relationships by this quote from Jeff Passon’s article in Yahoo News, “The Epic Story of the 2015 Royals and their World Series Championship:”
 
And while Moore embraced statistics, he never forsook the maxims of scouting, one of which was to focus on people, trust them and bask in their success.  “You believe in ’em,” Moore said. “You knew they were going to battle, to put ourselves in a position to win. And they did it.”
 
Even one of Moore’s purposes for writing the book was to recognize the relationships that got both him and the Royals to this championship level as noted in Andy McCullough’s, The K Zone blog,  “It allows us to give credit to a lot of the people who did much of the heavy lifting.”
 
Yes the plan to build a championship culture began with the foundation of focusing on the people.  He not only looked at their skills, but their character and willingness to play hard.  It reminds me of another great coach, Bill Snyder, who built a desolate K-State Football program by creating a culture of hard work, attention to detail, and a focus on success by recruiting men of character, and bringing them all together as family.
 
3.  Never Give Up:  Things happen that get in our way, make us feel bad, or cause us to alter our course.  The bottom line is, developing the capacity to push forward in the face of adversity or frustration begins with one’s attitude.  It doesn’t mean you don’t acknowledge the obstacle or lack of expertise, it means you look for a way around it or through it.  You learn from mistakes – both your own and those that others make – and make adjustments.  The decisions we make and the actions we take determine our course and ultimately our destiny.  We don’t have to be perfect.  We do have to “Keep the Line Moving” as the Royals would say.
 
It also takes a belief that we will find a way to succeed.  Sometimes keeping that faith or belief is hard, but ultimately gets us to our goal.  One of my favorite quotes speaks to the idea that many often give up just before they would have found success.  Dale Carnegie was quoted as saying, “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”  I must admit I could actually be a member of “quoteaholics” because I love them!  They grace my office in books and frames and motivate me because they make me think about my own attitude and subsequent actions.  Just ask my former players and students.  There hardly was a day that went by that they didn’t see a quote on the board in the classroom or the locker room.  Quotes aren’t actions but they spur me to action.  The message here is:  Find a way to succeed.
 
Bonus Lesson (Kids and adults need to realize this too):  Sometimes it’s lonely at the top and once you get there, the pressure is on to stay there.  How do we teach kids to keep on setting new goals and fending off those who would minimize their accomplishments?  I’ve seen it happen all too often in school.  Maybe it starts with what we see in the media.  Read on.
 
Unfortunately as teams or individuals ascend to the top they often fall prey to those who would seek to tear them down for whatever reason.  Jealousy, disappointment, second-guessing, the blame game… they all rear their ugly heads when we find success and more often if we fall short of reaching our goals.  The Mets were the best team in the National League and played in the World Series, but instead of this accomplishment being celebrated throughout New York City in all venues (especially because they weren’t expected to be there), the headline in the New York Post focused on their bitter disappointment by putting them down:  “Amazing Disgrace.”  They did not disgrace themselves despite a couple of untimely errors and emotionally based decisions; they simply didn’t achieve the goal they had set out to. While some newspapers acknowledged that, those few papers whose headlines chose to rub salt into the wound didn’t do anything to help a deeply disappointed Mets team (or their fans) rebound for future success.  Kansas City fans reveled in the 2014 World Series appearance, wondered aloud about the conservative decision to leave a runner on 3rd base to end the game, but rallied behind their team showing them the love and encouraging them to get back up and give it another run.  So often things said in haste or that are negative in nature may not reflect the majority viewpoints, but seem to be the things we remember most because of the pain they cause.  How we respond to disappointment of ourselves and others impacts how we perform in the future.  Mistakes happen.  Goals are not met.  Every. Day.  Relationships matter through both good times and bad; through thick and thin and yes even “til death do us part.”
 
In the meantime, it's time for the parade. I will be #ForeverRoyal and celebrate this 2015 World Series Championship for many years to come because I love my Royals (and of course my Wildcats) as well as my many family and friends who support me through all the many endeavors I undertake.  Where would I be without you?