School’s out for summer and now it is the season for weddings… at least in our family!  While we have no new weddings to celebrate this year, Friday marked the beginning of a 2 week period where quite a few of our family members have anniversaries.  And next year my son will join this celebrated group with his own wedding during this time frame!

35 years ago in a little town in North Central Kansas, the PE teacher married the carpenter.  She spent her career in education and he had his own construction business before becoming everyone's favorite mailman. Together they have touched many lives, raised a family, created a home, and shared many experiences that filled a lot of photo albums.  Together they have built a very successful life with the hope and faith that there will be many more years to share. 

As you may have guessed, I am talking about my own marriage and approaching anniversary. I look around and am amazed that it has been 35 years. As they say, time flies when you're having fun - or maybe just when you're really busy. Since our son will be getting married around this time next year, I am not only reflecting on our life together, but on the life he will have when he gets married.  So I guess today’s blog is not just a look back, but a way to share some lessons learned. 

Some people are probably surprised that we have lasted so long because on the surface we appear to be quite opposite. I talk quite a bit (no snickering) and he does too - but only if he doesn't know you. (He says we already know what he knows.)  I am a problem solver - a fixer of sorts in the thinking realm - and he is a fixer of things. I create by talking and writing; he works wonders with his hands. I am decisive; he is reflective. I like to think our differences are really our strengths and we complement each other.  We could probably be the poster children for how opposites attract!

We do share a lot of common interests particularly as it relates to the teams we cheer for and the projects we undertake. It is our differences, as well as our common interests, that have made our partnership work for us. It goes without saying - but I will say it anyway - that you rarely spend 35 years with anyone without a deep, abiding love and appreciation for the other person. Along with that foundation of love, the most important things we share are common values, respect for one another, and the desire to make a difference.

If I could share some advice with my son and his fiancé, it would be that these aforementioned beliefs, traits, and behaviors are a part of us every. single. day.  They shape the way we talk to and treat each other, show support, and generally live our lives. 

I believe one of the keys to our success has been rooted in finding ways to enjoy the interests of the other person. For example, I love sports and he appreciates them too, and as a result, has become an avid baseball collector. That interest has led us to antique stores and vacation destinations. At first I didn't really know what to do at antique stores since searching for newer items usually dominates my shopping experience, but I found things I love to collect too, and now I often come out with more treasures than he does!   But just to clarify, he has two entire rooms to support his collection and I have a display case.   We are supportive of each other's interests and aspirations and are not threatened by those things that not our "cup of tea."  The lesson here is that we can learn from others when we are respectful of our differences, which in turn often enriches our own experiences. 

Another strong point within our marriage is the ability to work together to make projects happen around the house or to plan events. Projects are engaging and require the strengths each person brings to the project. Admittedly I am typically more of an idea person than one who can make it happen when it comes to home improvement projects, but fortunately he can make things come to life with his carpentry and landscaping skills. Our home is a testament to his ability and our teamwork. When an event is the focus of our efforts, I take the lead and he is in the supporting role. These things keep us looking forward in ways that refresh our home or allow us to celebrate with others. Basically,  I think we just like to do things together!  Vacations are fun whether we are in the mountains or trolling antique stores.  Trips to Walmart or Home Depot can become a date night if we throw in dinner out.  In school, project based learning is often a favorite activity of students because it is active, engaging, and breathes life into mundane, everyday learning; just as in our case, projects and “doing” enrich our living. 

Finally, and probably most importantly, we have a common foundation of faith and values which guide most everything we do. We are respectful of each other - always. I am continually amazed at the hurtful things people say to those they supposedly love. Expressing your own thoughts is definitely important but does not require that you spew venom at the other. Respect is a two way street and one that should be intentional and automatic. As a result, it impacts so many other parts of the relationship. Along that line we also try to act in ways that are helpful to others.  Schools are finally starting to understand the value of relationships as it relates to a positive learning experience. The quality of our relationships, no matter what kind, is something all of us should be working to strengthen whether it’s at home, work, school or church. (And I might add, politicians take note!)

Today I celebrate our upcoming anniversary and the choices we made that got us this far.  Every day we have the opportunity to choose what to think and how to act.   I would advocate choosing respect and kindness and seeing what you get in return.  So far, I have 35 great years and counting….

I accompanied my husband to his high school alumni banquet this weekend to celebrate a milestone anniversary of his graduation.  We rarely go to these events since we don't live there, and I'm pretty sure that he went by himself the last time.  He is from a small, well kept town that has too many empty houses and storefronts, an aging and dwindling population, but has a school that is the centerpiece of the two communities that make up its successful, but declining student enrollment.  I hoped I might recognize a few people because  it is also where I began my teaching and coaching career, fresh out of K-State, quite a few years ago, and ultimately led to how we met.  That one decision to accept this particular High School PE job and to coach literally every girls sport, including cheer leading (which if you know me was the biggest challenge I faced), changed the course of my life or perhaps just set the course for my life.

When I walked up the steps and into that familiar building that now houses the middle school, memories echoed through my mind of my two years at this school.  We walked through the auditorium that was a show piece back in the day because most schools had their stage as a part of their gym.  The wooden seats still gleamed in the twilight, a reflection of the pride this school has always had in their facilities no matter how old the building was.  As we emerged into the hallway to make our way to the "dinner line," I noticed the locker doors ajar so they could air out and how brightly lit the hallway was, complete with fresh white paint to help illuminate the halls.  Oh wait... school just ended, so that "fresh white paint" must have been just very clean white paint fresh off a school year recently completed.  Another sign of the pride this community feels for their school.

I scanned those waiting in line, many with graying or white hair, visited with my husband's classmates as they got reacquainted, and then caught a glimpse of one of "my kids" and we exchanged that smile of recognition.  She too was having a milestone graduation anniversary (you know the ones that end in 5 or 0), and I knew the number because it mirrors the wedding anniversary we will be celebrating in another week.  I would catch up with her very soon!

After receiving my food, I stepped into the gym, my old classroom, and the flood of memories began.  It was here I learned what to do and not to do as a teacher and coach.  I should be apologizing for some of my antics as a coach, frustrated by too few wins, and too little knowledge on how to fix the problems.  It was here that I learned that the less you know, the more you yell, as we backslide into something more primal to survive.  But it was also here that I realized I loved teaching and coaching, and made some lifetime connections with students that will always have a special place in my heart.

When dinner, the subsequent entertainment, and business meeting concluded, I made my way to catch up with my "old" student.  We have seen each other from time to time over the years, but it had definitely been awhile, so I was pleased to be greeted so warmly with a hug and a big smile.  We showed each other pictures and caught up a bit since the last time we'd talked, and then she said something like this to me, "Can you believe that when you came here, your life would end up like it is today, marrying a home town guy, having kids, and now grandkids?"  Quite simply, No.  While I was excited to have a job secured before I graduated, I certainly had no way of knowing that this one decision would impact me in so many ways both professionally and personally, and set the course for my life.

We talked about the memories that the gym produced for both of us.  I attempted to apologize for acting like a jerk sometimes, but she was having none of that.  Her memory, possibly clouded by the passage of time, caused her to exclaim, "You were no jerk, you were great."  And that my friends, is why we teach.  Even though our paths crossed a lifetime ago, we had a connection that stood the test of time and endured fading memories.  I appreciated her belief in me, but it is this former student that was one of the first to inspire me.  We could all learn a lesson from her about how to succeed.  

She was an excellent student, a very good sprinter in track, and not really much of a "ball" athlete.   She had reached a plateau in her best event and hadn't been able to improve her time as she ended of her junior season.  I suggested she go out for basketball to improve her conditioning, so as a senior, she did just that.  She was pretty funny (as she recalled and I did too!) learning a game that was definitely out of her comfort zone, but that experience served its purpose and she went on to have the best track season of her life!   We often have to risk getting outside our comfort zone to find success or our true path.

As the evening concluded we helped take down tables and chairs, and fold up the canvas cloths that covered and protected the gym floor.  When those cloths were removed it revealed a floor still gleaming despite a year of middle school student punishment... another lesson learned, that if you take care of something, it will last.

So my walk down memory lane that began earlier this month with Mother's Day and my son's graduation continues.  I relish the connections I've made over the years, and enjoy reflecting on lessons learned.  The decision to sign that first contract many years ago, certainly set the course for what has been a wonderful life - so far!   And while I enjoy these looks back, even more importantly, I look forward to what lies ahead and the course my life will take because of future decisions I will make.

This weekend marks the end of 5 years of tough classes, hard work, memorable moments, and the satisfaction of success.  My son graduates with his Master's Degree and a Bachelor's Degree in Biochemistry.  We, like all other parents of graduates, are very proud of his accomplishments.   As I have gathered together the things for his celebration, I have allowed myself to be sentimental and a little philosophical too.  I have no apologies that my blog today is focused on something personal and may not be what anyone really wants to read except me, but it is something I hope others can appreciate that is on my heart and mind this week.   Endings make us grateful for what has happened or gotten us to this point, but also make us wonder what will happen next!  Endings bring joy and sorrow, anticipation and fear.  We fear endings because of the unknown that follows.  But today, I choose to celebrate endings and the journey that got us there. 

Eighteen years ago, in August, I took - actually carried - my son down the hallway of the school, where I taught at the time, to his kindergarten classroom and deposited him in the doorway in front of his teacher, who was also my friend and colleague.  She said not to worry, he would be fine.  And she was so right.  It only took him a few hours to realize that school was a great place for him to be.  That teacher gave him a great start in his educational career.  She fought for him to get the best education possible when others doubted his abilities and wanted to wait to see if he "grew out" of this phase.  She knew he needed to grow even more and not be allowed to become mediocre.  She challenged him academically and encouraged him when his reluctance to try new things sometimes got in the way.  What he learned in kindergarten is that it's important to be the best you can be at any age and it helps to have people in your corner.

Five years ago, as my son graduated from high school, we celebrated the ending of a wonderful time in his home town, surrounded by friends, teachers, and family who made such a huge difference in his life.  He was fortunate to be in a class where achievement was valued and was the norm, so he was able to let his abilities and work ethic shine, rather than be the subject of ridicule by some who might have tried to make him feel like a geek.  He was blessed to have good friends who helped him be a bit more social, with whom he could share many laughs and video games, and who encouraged and supported him in every endeavor he would undertake.  He was surrounded by teachers who challenged him and provided him with the skills to pursue his chosen career, and to develop his musical talents that have provided him with lifetime experiences as a part of the K-State Marching Band.  He had coaches who taught him the value of perseverance and to push through the pain of preparation and frustration.  On that day 5 years ago, we celebrated his accomplishments, wondered what the future would bring, and got ready for the next leg of his life journey.  As he closed this part of his life, it was time for a new beginning.

Fast forward 5 years to today.  My son's college experience can attest to a couple of important life lessons.  While we never doubted his academic abilities, we worried that it might be hard for him to find new friends that were as good for him as the ones he left behind.  But that fear soon evaporated when he joined the marching band.  The first lesson one can take from my son's experiences is that when you find your "niche" or place that you feel connected and comfortable, you enjoy life and feel like you can do anything!  What a great decision he made to be a part of the band.  There were lessons learned about hard work and teamwork to produce a quality performance; memorable experiences during band camp, games and bowl trips that will never be forgotten; and leadership opportunities that will serve him long after he turns his tassel.  He soon became willing to utilize his talents and stretch himself into areas that he once avoided.  It also provided him the opportunity to meet wonderful people who impacted his life as a college student.  And the best part is that one of those special people will be by his side forever.

The second lesson was that sometimes life is hard and when those times occur, it is time to buckle down and get the job done.  Admittedly, school had been pretty easy for him, so it was a shock to him during his sophomore year when he no longer could just "look over" the material before he took a test and do well.  There was the time when his research was bogging him down and he lamented that he should have just graduated last year with his BS and been done.  But after a closer look, he knew that end was so near, it was time to push on because ultimately it was best for his career.  It reminds me of a locker room slogan I often posted and shared with my students, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." 

This time of reflection has made me think about endings in my own life - ones that were my idea and ones that were someone else's.  No matter how exciting or disappointing those endings might have been, they were just a springboard to new opportunities.  Endings are a time of reflection so that we can learn from those experiences, celebrate the successes and the people with whose paths we crossed, and utilize the new foundation on which we can build for the next part of our life. As Joseph Campbell points out, "We have to be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  We must be open to what lies before us because as one door closes another opens.  

So this week marks the end of my son's university experience, but it also signals the beginning of his adult life... the real world as we like to remind him.  Next year about this time, he will be getting married - an end to his bachelorhood, but a beginning of a lifetime commitment to a wonderful woman.  So congratulations on a job well done, son!  I hate to see this chapter end because it's been a good one, but at the same time, I can't wait to turn the page and see what happens next!  Carpe Diem!



  

I don't know if it's by design or just coincidence, but this week, as a nation, we are celebrating Teachers and Nurses, concluding with Mother's Day on Sunday.  What a powerful combination of goodness to recognize and appreciate in the same week!   I don't know about you, but nearly every mother I know is a teacher and a nurse rolled into one!

My mother was a teacher by profession, but began as a teacher to my siblings and I at home, and a Sunday School teacher too, long before she got an "official paid" teaching job.  She read to us, taught us about the Bible, and how to cook, clean, and iron (which used to be a frequent and necessary task back in the day!).  She is a writer and encouraged us to write.  I think I'm the only one who writes on a regular basis, but we all "get it."  She wanted us to express ourselves appropriately and often told us if we didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.  I'm not sure I learned that lesson quite as well as some of the other lessons....  She was my biggest cheerleader (and she really did have a lot of actual cheerleading experience), encouraging me when I was down, studying with me for tests, and celebrating with me when I succeeded.   Mom also had high expectations for my behavior and my grades.  She taught me how to paint without making a mess (and I'd better not make a mess!) which serves me well today.   About the only thing she didn't teach me was how to fix the farm machinery.  Those lessons, taught by Dad, seemed to be lost on her, although she could, and did, drive the tractor just fine. 

She was also a nurse to us - and still is if we let her.  She tended to my scraped knees and bloody nose events.  She came in the middle of the night bearing cough syrup when I was coughing, because I was probably keeping everyone awake.   She always has a pack of tissues in her purse and a few band-aids too - just in case.  I find myself stocking my purse in the same fashion.  She came and sat with me when I had a baby or knee surgery, trying to be as helpful as possible.  She took my sister to Colorado one summer and lived in a travel trailer because the Colorado air was good for her asthma. Mom is the caregiver even now when we really need to be taking care of her.  

She went back to college and got her Master's Degree and began her teaching career after we kids were in school.  Then she made a difference to a whole new generation of kids - acting as their librarian, history teacher, and yes - cheerleading sponsor!

It is often the teacher that students (and even parents) turn to when they need help and not just about school assignments.  Teachers think of their students as their own "kids."  How many times in recent years have we seen teachers lay down their lives to try to save their students from a rampage?  What we don't see are the many hours of planning and grading they do to ensure every student has the best learning experience possible.  We don't notice that they spend their summers taking classes or attending workshops to stay abreast on new developments in education.  We don't know that in their Walmart cart are some supplies that will be used at school, paid for from their own money.  We don't see them unable to sleep at night because of the pain or frustration being felt by one of their students.  Maybe we see a tear at graduation, or a big smile when students do well, but we probably don't realize that those moments are forever etched on that teacher's heart.

Nurses are also some pretty important people in our lives and play a big role in caring for us when we are at our most vulnerable.  My soon to be daughter-in-law is studying to be a nurse as I write this.  Her compassion for others and willingness to help probably came from her mother who is also a nurse.  Shortly after she and my son began dating, she had her first opportunity to gain nursing experience when on their band trip to the Pinstripe Bowl in New York City, almost the entire trombone section got the flu.  She tended to as many of them as she could until she too succumbed to the virus.   My son called wanting to know what he should do to help her.  So I gave him the best  mom's medical advice I could over the phone.  It's our moms we call first because they were our first teacher and our first experience with the medical side of life.  Moms fix us when we are broken or make sure that someone does!  As the old cough syrup commercial once noted, it's important to listen to "Dr. Mom."  

It is the nurse we often speak to first at the doctor's office after we check in.  They are the first line of defense when something is wrong, and might even know the patient better than the doctor does.   It is the nurse that checks on us when we are alone in the hospital wondering how everything will turn out.  Sometimes checking those vitals in the middle of the night may seem intrusive, but they are still a connection that we appreciate because it lets us know someone is there for us.  Nurses take care of us when we can't - doing those jobs for us that we would never ask someone else to do - and never thinking twice about it.  Moms do that too.  As much as we love our dads, unless it's something in their realm of expertise, we almost always call Mom first when we have a question or news to share.  And this weekend, telephones will probably be busier than usual since it is documented that more calls are made on Mother's Day than on any other day of the year!   

I must acknowledge that there are a lot of great male teachers and nurses out there, but when you think of the traits and skills of those two professions and add them together, they equal what we believe to be true about mothers.  Moms teach us what they know so we can get along better in the world.  They take care of us when we can't and never hesitate to offer to help however they can.  As our apron strings are loosened, we depend less on our mom's in part because of what they have taught us, but also because they know we need to leave then nest in order to thrive.  No matter where we "fly off to" we will always need their caring touch and reassurance that we're doing the right thing.   Thank a teacher. Thank a nurse. Love and thank your mom too. Appreciate them all this week, and every week, because it's the best gift you can give them!