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Vicki's Blog

My thoughts on education, improvement, and life itself.  Enjoy!

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What if?  How We Choose to Respond

3/31/2014

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Sometimes we see a beautiful scene and we just sit and watch and take it all in.  Sometimes, we just have to go there.  We could admire the view and live vicariously throughout our life and appreciate what the world has to offer.  Or we could live it and feel it first hand.

What if?  How can I?  We can respond to new ideas or challenges with doubt or a resounding "NO!"  Or we could consider the possibilities.  Isn't it interesting how life provides us with all kinds of opportunities and our reactions to those make all the difference?

I started this blog last night, thinking of the recent opportunities presented to me that were exciting, but also caused me to be somewhat anxious. I acted on the opportunity because I didn't want any regrets.  I have no illusions that there are any guarantees, but just resolving to try made me feel at ease.  Then this morning, I read a post  by my favorite blogger, Dan Rockwell (Leadership Freak:  Choose Your Default Response), and his words spoke to me again about the responses we choose and how those impact not only ourselves, but those around us too.  

It happens all of the time... we must respond in some way to every situation.  What will I do today as I roll out of bed?  Did I smile?  Did I take time to acknowledge, or just rush on by?  Will I go or will I stay?  Should I or shouldn't I?  Can I do this? or How can I do this?

When presented with something new, are you that person who says "No" first and then reconsiders (or wishes you had)?  What if you simply considered the possibilities?  What if your first thought is how can I make this work, or use this new idea?  What if you put yourself "in" the view instead of just wishing your were there?  New challenges us.  It is exciting, but it means change and that often scares us into doubt or retreat.  What if we didn't let doubt be our first thought?

There are also the reactions to obstacles or mistakes.  Stress makes us do some crazy things sometimes.  How do you react when something goes awry?   Do you freak out or get busy finding a solution?  When I taught Psychology we talked about the "fight or flight" response.  Do you own it and try to work through it or correct the issue?  Or do you run.... sometimes literally... the other way? My grandson is a perfect example of this.  When he spills his glass of juice or knocks something off the counter, instead of trying to right the "wrong" - he literally runs out of the room.  I'm not sure if he doesn't know what to do (despite our efforts to teach him), he's afraid of the consequences (which are not as bad as he's imagining), or he's just disappointed in himself.  No matter, his response is to flee and then come back to "fight"  after some encouragement from us.  On the other hand, his younger brother's typical response is to fix it... so he responds by picking up the spilled glass and saying he's sorry for knocking the papers off the counter.  Totally different reactions to similar situations... can we learn to respond differently? Do some of these same responses show up when we consider a new challenge or idea? 

Sometimes, as noted in Dan's blog, we just freeze.  Paralysis from analysis? Perhaps, but as my dad used to say, "Not to decide is to decide."  Even our inaction is an action.  When we "freeze" we take the consequences instead of having some control over them.  If you "freeze" when a car suddenly veers in your lane, you risk being hit head on unless you take corrective action.  Even if the decision is not life altering, when you can't (or don't) decide then that indecision impacts others around you who are waiting on your decision.  Have you ever worked for a boss who took too long to make decisions?  Everything comes to a standstill until the decision is rendered.  Indecision is selfish in some ways too because it forces others to make the decision or deal with the fallout of the indecision.  Indecision can also impact you because you may miss an opportunity or a good deal.

Whatever the situation, we develop default responses.  And while your personality may make you cautious or risky, you can learn (or unlearn) responses that will help you make good choices that will enhance your knowledge and/or experiences. 

Working with others means there are ideas out there you might not have previously considered.  As a teacher, I generally have something in mind for an answer when I pose a question.  Sometimes students don't respond the way I intended.  Does that make their response incorrect?  Sometimes, but many times it means they simply thought about my question in a different way.  Their background knowledge shaped their perspective just as mine did.  So I have to carefully consider the response they provided and the response I will give them too.  When new ideas are presented, consider making your initial response, "How might this work" instead of "this won't work."  

I believe that living your life with possibilities instead of doubt will make all the difference.  If you can do that, those scenic views or adventures will now be something you've experienced not just simply dreamed of. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "Some men see things and ask 'why?'  I dream of things that never were and ask, "why not?"  

So this week, I have not just dreamed a new dream, but I have acted on that dream.  Will I get what I seek - who knows?  But I brushed aside the doubt and silenced the many reasons it might not happen that creep into my thoughts. I have taken that first step forward.  Perhaps it is a leap of faith, but without that first step, how would I ever know what could be?  My default response now makes me more open to possibilities.... and you just never know where that will lead.





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To Teach is To Touch a Life Forever

3/24/2014

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This past week, the principal I worked for the longest, got his hall pass to heaven.  And in keeping with his considerate nature, he passed away during spring break which allowed the educators in his family time to grieve and tend to his final arrangements without doing lesson plans, or missing school.  

I had kind of lost track of him since his retirement, so I was surprised when I heard that he had died.  But it didn't take long for many memories to quickly  surface of the time we spent in the hallways, in meetings, and just talking about life in general.  At the service, I listened to a couple of family members describe him and how much he had touched their lives  too, because as much as he loved education, his family was the centerpiece of his life.

There are so many ways that we touch the lives of others, and yet we might not even notice because they seem insignificant or unconnected at the time.  Jim influenced me in ways that I know I didn't even realize at the time, but in the last few days as I thought back on the many years that I worked for him, it was apparent that he definitely left a footprint or two in my life and actually helped shape my career.  I never thought about him in terms of being the best principal I ever had, but he did positively impact me in many ways.  He didn't really inspire me with speeches but he made me think because of the questions he asked.  I learned how to use computers from him when they first became a part of schools.   He was instrumental in getting me involved in school improvement issues which became the path my career would take several years later.  When I was thrust into the role of interim high school principal during the early and extended maternity leave of our regular principal, he was there to support me, guide me, and help make my experience a successful one.  There were also the days he had to call me in as a parent so he could hand out some consequences for my daughter and he always did so in a way that preserved my dignity as a parent and her dignity as a student.  He rarely said it, but you always knew that he cared and valued you as a person and as a professional.

"To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever" is a familiar saying that we believe to be true, but maybe don't totally realize the implications this statement implies.  Jim touched a lot of lives in his long educational career.  And now I sit and think this evening about how precious the time is that we spend on this earth, and how we will spend that time.  You like to think as an educator, that you do make a difference.  But I would hope that everyone would want to be a positive influence in the lives of others no matter what profession was chosen.    

The things that Jim did to influence people were subtle, but had a high degree of impact, and those might be the best lessons we learn from him.  He was thoughtful and carefully considered his options before making decisions.  Yet he was curious and wanted to learn new things and how they worked.  He was often a man on a mission and he could get to the bottom of anything he set out to do, but without stirring the waters too much.  He asked a lot of questions, sometimes to the point you just wanted to shake him, but it really did cause you to think.  He was slow to anger and rarely over reacted.  It probably helped that he didn't talk without thinking first.  He had an easy smile, and a twinkle in his eye.  You always knew when he was about to share something that would make both of you laugh just a little.  He had plenty of faults, like we all do, but they never overshadowed all the good he did.  And he did that without fanfare or expectation.  

So 15 years after he retired, we gathered to say good bye to a good man, and suddenly I realized just how much he had touched my life.   So Jim, I'm glad our paths crossed in this life, and I'm also glad that I have come to appreciate and recognize how much you influenced me too.  In fact I wouldn't be sitting here at the computer right now if you hadn't taught me how to use one.   You certainly did touch my life forever and I thank you for that.  Say hello to Jane for me because she had a big influence on me as well.  You two made a great team and there are a lot of students and educators out there who are better because of the ways you touched their lives.


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March Madness:  Change Happens!

3/12/2014

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You must live in Kansas (or at least the Midwest) if in one 24 hour period you experience 75 degree temperatures, rain, sleet, snow, 50 mph winds and below freezing temperatures.  All this means is that change is in the air.  But even if you know it's coming and want it to come, change is never easy.  There is no easy button to push or switch to flip.  We must endure the tug of war that spring and winter have every March, sometimes extending to May!  But wait!  Those changes will be so good for us and give us a new lease on life!  Who doesn't look forward to green grass, sunshine and warmer temperatures!

There's that word again - change - that keeps cropping up in my blogs.  It's on my mind a lot lately since it seems like the more you want things to stay the same, the more they change.  Kansas schools are going through a lot of changes with new curriculum, new evaluations, technology, and new accreditation requirements.   Change is happening in my family as a graduation is looming and a wedding will follow before long.  Change is happening in our church as we try to determine the best way to serve the needs of our congregation and the community too. Heck, people change too as they age.  It's fun to see my grandsons change and grow up, but when you get to be my age, not all those changes are good.  As a result, I must make some adjustments in my exercise and eating routines to account for some unwanted, age-related changes.  Most of the time change makes things better, but it is all too apparent that change also makes us uncomfortable, because that darn box we live in just feels so right!  


March is one of those months that is full of change, dramatic turns, and tests of our resolve.  Even the word "march" reminds us that when people want change, they often "march" and carry signs to demonstrate their need for something different to happen.  In schools during March, from preschool to the collegiate level, you find exhausted teachers and students, and probably parents too.  State assessments and mid-terms are happening.  In an effort to deal with their stress, they are looking forward to spring break - a change in their routine - and even that can be stressful!  

Daylight Savings Time is another example of familiar change.  In all but two states (Arizona and Hawaii), we go through the annual rituals of "spring forward and fall back," ostensibly to get the most out of the available daylight.  Fall back doesn't feel so bad.  We go to bed and get an extra hour of sleep.  But spring forward?  Seriously?  We all need to have a spring break to get used to this one hour difference.  Ironically the time change used to occur around April 1st - perhaps the biggest practical joke of all time?  Now we have backed it up a couple of weeks so it occurs right when Ol' Man Winter and Spring Thaw are competing for domination.  So if the weather doesn't give us enough fits with temperature extremes and indecision as to whether we should wear pants or shorts, or take along a jacket or a heavy coat, then we are dealing with sleep disorders while our biological clocks adjust to the change brought on by turning our visual clocks forward one hour.  So even though we know this change is coming, and we want it to come, it is still hard for us to transition smoothly into a new season.

If change is inevitable, then what can we do to make our transitions easier? 

1.  Embrace the idea that change is going to happen.  Being open to change in the first place helps your mindset accept change as a necessary course of action for success.  Change must happen if we are to progress.  How you respond to that change will ultimately determine how smoothly you transition to the new behavior, routine, or situation that results from the imposed change.  Plan to be uncomfortable for a while.  Plan for obstacles and failures that may happen when the change first starts.  Remember that fear of change locks us into mediocrity which is the enemy of greatness.  We often waste a lot of time and energy resisting change which keeps us from being great.

2.  Make an effort to understand why the change is necessary.   Often our resistance occurs because the answers to our "why" questions have not been resolved.  Once we understand why, which includes the purpose or reason, acceptance is easier because we can square it with our thinking.  "How and What" become easier to implement and achieve if we understand the motive.

3.  Focus on doing things that will lead to the desired outcome, and on the benefits that will potentially occur once the change has been implemented.  This mindset goes along with the idea that you get what you expect or what you think about most.  My dad used to tell me, when I learned to drive, that I had to look down the road to see what was coming, and not just focus on what was right in front of me so I would be ready for whatever happens.  It also helps to keep our eye on the prize.  We've all seen races where the runner keeps looking back over his/her shoulder only to be caught or to stumble....those doubts and fears distract us.  Hope and optimism cheer us on and keep us focused on what is in front of us!  Expect success!

So this March think of all the changes that happen every day in your life and about the changes that need to happen in your life.  Through what lens will you look at those changes?  How will you respond? Make your March Madness be about basketball games instead of the craziness that often overwhelms us during the change process. Expect change and expect great results!




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Using Fear to Succeed

3/6/2014

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I woke up early this morning - too early in fact - thinking about fear.  Not the blood-curdling, life-threatening kind of fear, or the irrational fears that phobias produce, but fear that oozes into our lives every day.  Fear of the unknown; fear of failure or disappointment; doubts that comes from the "what ifs" that often occupy our thoughts.  So how can we harness our fears or doubts and turn something potentially negative into a road map for success?

Fear Is Not to Be Feared 

Fear keeps us safe.  It gives us parameters to work within.  It forces us to plan ahead for obstacles and consequences.  Fear of potential consequences is what keeps most people from breaking the law/rules. It's why you suddenly slow down when you see a cop even though you weren't speeding.  It doesn't keep you from driving anywhere, but it does make you more vigilant.  Fear should produce respect for boundaries and yet not limit how we operate within the expectations. 


Fear can also be a source of motivation.  It helps us set goals to avoid those failings we realize could happen.  It helps us seek the knowledge and skills we need to be successful so we can avoid failure or the consequences of not changing/improving.


Fear is a problem when it paralyzes us and keeps us from moving forward.   When we analyze why some people resist change, it is often grounded in the fears they have of their own personal misunderstanding, shortcomings, or the unknown.  It may be compounded by past failures too.  Fear blinds us to the possibilities that exist and won't let us get past the "yes buts" that plague our thoughts.  Fear whispers in our ear that it's OK to be safe and never OK to take a risk.  And when we listen without considering possibilities, fear's grip on us becomes even tighter.

When fear controls us we put up walls; we resist assistance; we make excuses; we blame; we dwell on the darkness instead of the light.  Can't and won't become 4-letter words that dominate our thoughts and conversations.  How do we get our fear under control?

Knowledge is Power
My son is a smart man and of course started out as a smart little boy.  But he had one trait that was going to keep him from being successful in life and that was the fear of trying new things.  In some cases it was fear of failure, but mostly it was just fear of the unknown. Anxiety plagued him from trying new foods to even playing games that were supposed to be fun!  Eventually after a lot of support from his teachers, and encouragement from his family and friends, he was able to understand that if he learned enough about each situation, he could be persuaded to try it.  Baby steps.  Where food once was something he rarely experimented with, he now loves to cook and try new things!  He loves the "chemistry" of food and spice combinations so suddenly food isn't a scary thing now.  Of course there are still things he won't eat, but he isn't going to starve either!

To gain this knowledge, you have to ask the right questions and do your homework.  Consider the options available.  Ask what will happen if I don't do this?  What could happen if I do?  What do I already know? How much do I have to know to get started and will I be able to increase my knowledge as I progress?  But ultimately, action becomes necessary because if you do nothing you will gain nothing.

Focus on What You CAN DO Rather Than on What You Can't Do
Your thoughts shape your destiny.  We often sell ourselves short, not feeling like what we have to offer (in terms of skills, abilities, talents, etc.) will make a difference to others. Sometimes we find a task may be asking more of us than what we think can accomplish.  So to overcome these self-doubts we must focus on what we CAN DO.   One way is to turn the job into manageable chunks that seem less overwhelming which can also provide us with success points along the way.   In addition, we must learn to trust the confidence that others have in us, and be willing to share or utilize our talents in a small way initially until we can learn to appreciate what we have to offer on a bigger scale.  For example on a large project we can offer to be a piece of the puzzle because helping the team be successful will allow us to feel good about our contribution, which in turn might lead to a bigger contribution the next time.

When we do stumble, we must reflect on the experience and find ways to improve or new ways to tackle the issue at hand.  Failure only comes when we fail to learn or fail to try again.  As Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work!"

Implications for Educators and Parents
Understanding the role that fear plays in our lives is critical to our success.  As parents and educators, we must find ways to guide our children/students through the choppy waters of life that can be scary at times.  We must provide them with the necessary knowledge and skills that give them a chance to be successful; let them practice in safe situations; and allow them to fail and learn from their mistakes.  It is natural to want to protect our children or students from the unpleasantness of life, but if we always "save" them from failure, they will never learn to use those opportunities as learning experiences, and fear of failure will become an even greater issue.

As I noted in my last blog, optimism springs from hope.  Too much fear squelches optimism and hope.  We must find ways to build trust and have faith.  Building a background of knowledge and skills, and focusing on what CAN be done will help to keep fear in check and allow us to consider the many possibilities that exist for us in all that we do.   And then above all, Never, Never, Never Give Up!




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    Author

    Vicki Bechard, 
    Owner and Lead Consultant

    I express myself best when I write, even though most who know me think I talk quite a bit!  

    I'm an educator first and foremost whether my students are kids, teachers, or my own children and grandchildren.  

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