Teaching and Learning Consulting Network, LLC
Contact us
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Connect With Us
    • Costs
  • Professional Learning
    • 7 PL Standards
    • Adult Learners
    • Change Models
    • Leadership
  • Curriculum
    • Curriculum Design
  • Vicki's Blog

Vicki's Blog

My thoughts on education, improvement, and life itself.  Enjoy!

TLC Home

"ResponseAble" - Defining Moments in Our Lives

4/6/2016

0 Comments

 
Picturefrom simplypsychology.org
The doorbell rang unexpectedly early this morning.  Was it really the doorbell?  Maybe it was my alarm.  No wait, I had not set my alarm since I didn’t think I had any place to go.  I was groggy, dreaming of the writing I needed and wanted to do!  I also thought that my husband was getting ready for work so I probably wouldn’t have to answer the door.  Or did I?  Maybe he was already gone or had a problem as he went to his Jeep as he got ready to leave.  I remember ringing the doorbell once when I fell on the deck as I left the house….  Jump up!  Race to the door (after grabbing my robe)!  Everything was fine.  No one was at the door.  Turns out it he inadvertently bumped the bell while he was taking out the trash.  But once I became fully conscious, I responded as if the house were on fire!   So now that I was wide awake, it was time to make some coffee…and write.  Then an hour later the phone rang and I was quickly reminded that I had forgotten to go to help serve at the student assessment breakfast our church was providing for the Middle School Students today.  It’s amazing how quickly I can get dressed and leave the house in these situations.  That is a far cry from the 60 minutes I normally require.  So many situations already this morning….and so many different responses….
 
It is often implied or stated directly in a variety of quotes and examples, that it isn’t the circumstances of our life that have the most effect on us, but our response to those circumstances.  Along these lines, author Steven Covey has been quoted as saying, “I am not a product of my circumstances, but of my decisions.”  A response is definitely a decision to take action or not.
 
People respond to both good and bad things that happen to them in a range of ways.  We can laugh at our own mistakes, correct them, compensate for them, or on the flip side, deal with them emotionally, angrily, or dejectedly.  This morning, my apologies were not enough for being late.  I called on my way to the church to ask if I could pick up anything.  They gave me the task of getting the pizza and donuts…. Something the kids would really be looking forward to and a job that made me feel useful, not late!  So when I finally arrived at the church I had food in hand, and my tardiness was less conspicuous and in some part rectified.  I don’t think I’ve worked harder at one of these breakfasts than this morning.  I’m sure my own guilt was playing into that (because I pride myself on being dependable), but it also gave me an opportunity to share with the students that sometimes we have “oops” moments or obstacles that we must overcome whether it’s during their assessments or in other parts of our lives.  Our response makes all the difference.  In the end, learning from those mistakes and putting forth our best effort is what matters and will define us rather than the mistake we made or obstacle we faced.

 
There are countless stories of people who have lived through troubled childhoods, tragedy, or suffered from illness or injury to overcome these challenges and lead productive lives; while others use these circumstances as a crutch for their current state.  There are those who seem to have it all, and yet find themselves unhappy or unsuccessful.  We each have scenarios that play out in ways that move us forward or potentially can hold us back.  Our circumstances are sometimes out of our control, but how we respond to the things that we experience are very much in our control.  We can take the talents we have or the successes we experience and use them for the greater good.  We can choose to look on the bright side of things, finding ways to turn lemons into lemonade, or not.  We can choose to use the challenges we face to give us additional resolve that not only lift us from these trials, but inspire others as well.  We can even make meaning out of the senseless and leave a legacy of hope and change.
 
In my years of teaching Psychology, we often talked about the “fight or flight” response.  Do we hang in there and find ways to resolve the issues at hand or do we choose to run away?  Fight is about perseverance and the willingness to do the work that needs to be done to rectify the situation, but does not usually actually involve punching someone.  Flight may not literally be fleeing the situation, but may include avoidance behaviors that keep us from dealing with the situation at hand or moving forward.  Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl notes, “Between the stimulus and the response is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  When we choose not to decide or act, we have indeed made a decision.  Fear or dread may keep us from acting.  Withdrawal may seem less risky at the time, but probably puts us more at risk for future problems we might not be anticipating. 

 
Our response need not be immediate to be effective.  When we consider our options and the subsequent consequences of potential actions, we are indeed acting.  But it is important to communicate that you are in the consideration process so others aren’t left hanging in limbo. When my brother went in for a medical test and a possible procedure last week, the outcome wasn’t what he or the doctors had anticipated.  So they took the time to do additional tests and determine the best course of action.  It was helpful that they gave us a tentative time line so we would know when to expect a response.  The time spent evaluating the data and discussing options can make us feel anxious or impatient or both, but it is time well spent so that we respond in the most appropriate way. 
 

There are also those times that no response or a delayed response is the best course of action.  To intentionally not respond is different than just failing to respond.  Not answering when called or if someone texts you are examples of failing to respond.  It may be because you were busy at the time or forgot, but it may take on a different meaning for the other person as time passes with no response.  Delaying a response may be an appropriate strategy.  “I’ll get back to you,” or “Let’s talk about this tomorrow,” help people know of your intention to respond but not to expect one right now.  When we are angry, it’s often best to step back and not respond until we’ve had time to think.  Emotional reactions may get us in trouble with words or actions we can’t take back.  Just as you cannot “un-throw” a stone, you cannot fully take back hurtful words or vengeful actions.  Sometimes walking away is the hardest response, but the most powerful one too.
 
I like the metaphor of “learning which sword to fall on.”  I am a fixer, so over the years I have had to learn that I do not have to have the solution to every problem, particularly those where I cannot control the situation or outcome.  Not all actions require us to address them.  Some are just none of our business or don’t really amount to as much as we would make of them.  Sometimes the attention we give to a person or situation actually rewards the undesired behavior we are trying to correct, so ignoring a behavior might be the best course of action.
 
Bob Proctor has been quoted as saying,
“When you react you are giving away power.  When you respond, you are staying in control of yourself.”
 
Reacting is somewhat different than responding.  In sports, we teach athletes to react because they don’t have time to think in certain scenarios.  But in reality we are teaching them to respond without thinking by practicing the skills and strategies they might use during those potential situations until they become automatic.  Responding involves conscious decision making and preparation.  It involves purpose and making decisions with a specific goal in mind.  In the NCAA National Championship basketball game earlier this week, Villanova responded to the North Carolina shot that tied the game with 4.7 seconds left by running a play they practice every day.  And it worked to give them the win.  Had they not been prepared, they might have reacted differently rather than responding with a strategy they were prepared to successfully use. 
 

“Response” is a significant part of the word "responsible" and translates to “response + able.”  Again quoting Steven Covey, “We have the freedom to choose our response to a situation.”  Perhaps we should each consider the impact of our responses before we make them (As my mother used to say “Think before you speak.”) and reflect on their results after we respond.  “ResponseAble” thoughts and behaviors will improve our effectiveness, and help us leave a more positive impact on our own life and those around us so that we can ultimately be defined by our decisions and not our circumstances.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Vicki Bechard, 
    Owner and Lead Consultant

    I express myself best when I write, even though most who know me think I talk quite a bit!  

    I'm an educator first and foremost whether my students are kids, teachers, or my own children and grandchildren.  

    Archives

    August 2017
    July 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    April 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012

    Categories

    All
    Action
    Anniversary
    Anticipation
    Attitude
    Beginnings
    Be Present
    Blessings
    Bloom
    Bridges
    Change
    Circumstances
    Common Core
    Curriculum Planning
    Doing
    Endings
    Expectations
    Failure
    Fear
    Fight Or Flight
    #ForeverRoyal
    Foundation
    Friendship
    Fun
    Graduation
    Headlines
    Healthy
    Joy
    Kansans Can
    Kansas
    Kinda
    Kindness
    #ksleg
    K State
    K-State
    Leadership
    Lean In
    Life
    Make A Difference
    Memories
    Mom
    Moments
    NCAA Basketball
    Nurses
    Optimism
    Persevere
    Pets
    Photographs
    Play
    Positive Intent
    Prairie Burning
    Pro Bowl
    Productive Struggles
    Professional Learning
    Purpose
    Reflection
    Relationships
    Relevance
    Resiliency
    Resolutions
    Respect
    Response
    Rigor
    Royals
    School Improvement
    School Shooting
    Sorta
    Spring
    Success
    Surviving
    Taken For Granted
    Teachers
    Teamwork
    Thankful
    The Dash
    Understanding By Design
    Weddings
    Why
    Winter
    World Series

    RSS Feed

Contact us at vickib@teachingandlearningnetwork.com
20064 K-92 Hwy, McLouth, KS  66054
913-796-6241